


We face ourselves and end as shadows

by copperplate



Series: Once we go on ahead [5]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Destiny, F/M, M/M, Multi, Or defying destiny, Post-TRC, Revenge, plot happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:52:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperplate/pseuds/copperplate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hot molten rage, the likes of which Adam hadn't felt for months, erupted through him.<br/>His will was his most valued possession. Always has been. Always will be. He had loaned it to Cabeswater. He had had it stolen by the demon. And now it was somehow being completely overwhelmed by Gansey with just a few words.</p><p>***<br/>Ronan remakes Cabeswater. Old enemies return seeking vengeance. Gansey learns more about himself. Everyone needs saving sometimes. Everyone has it in them to be a hero sometimes too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Factum est

**Author's Note:**

> When I first started writing this series, I saw it as a bunch of one shots to get some closure that I felt was not provided by the books. But then this plot thing started happening and continued to happen and now we're here. For the first time I don't have all chapters finished before I'm posting, but bear with me, I will try to post regularly (blame the new job). This is probably the final part of the series. I hope it makes you laugh, cry, cringe, get a bit turned on, and satisfies.
> 
> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

Ronan's eyes shot open. He could see his own body from above, tangled in the blankets on his bed, one arm falling off over the edge. He could see Adam lying next to him, his body balled up in on himself, lips slightly parted with slow heavy breaths. Ronan could not move his body. He would not be able to for another minute. But seeing him and Adam together on his bed warmed him. It was so painfully domestic.

Slowly, his consciousness seeped back into his body. First he was able to blink his eyes. Then he was able to twitch a finger. Then he was able to groan as he turned to lie on his back.

The arm draped over the edge of the bed held a flower in its hand. It was a the most perfect lily, the colour of deep oceans. The colour of Adam's eyes.

 _It's finished_.

A smile breached Ronan's thin lips and he felt elated. He threw the blankets and sheets off himself and stood. He took two big steps towards the window and threw the curtains open, letting the harsh morning sunlight brighten the room. He placed the lily on the window sill.

"Hnnnn," Adam grumbled as he switched position, turning onto his other shoulder so the sunlight would be to his back. Ronan's smile grew. Ronan remembered a time where "lazy mornings" was not part of Adam Parrish's vocabulary. To see him in his bed, trying to avoid the day to sleep-in was a precious gift.

Ronan went around the bed, so that he could be face to face with Adam. He leaned down on the floor in front of the mattress, and just watched.

"Don't be creepy," Adam muttered, his eyes still shut. Ronan let out a small laugh. Blindly, Adam reached out an arm to Ronan, which Ronan grabbed. He brought Adam's hand to his lips and kissed his palm, then each finger in turn.

"I need you to wake up," Ronan said softly.

"Ugh, why?" Adam asked, one eye fluttering open to peer up at Ronan. Once Adam saw the smile on Ronan's face, his curiosity was ignited enough to open the other eye.

"I have something to show you," Ronan replied cryptically. He leaned over the bed and pecked Adam's forehead. Adam yawned and stretched himself on the bed, his long bare limbs finally starting to get their usual healthy tan after being hidden under clothes during the long New England winter. Ronan took another second to admire the view. Eight months of three solid meals per day and playing intramural sports meant Adam no longer had the body of a scrawny teen. He was filled in with lean, wiry muscles. There was actual meat on his chest. He shoulders were finally proportional to the rest of him. His hands were the same, though. Long elegant fingers. Delicate prominent veins. Pointy knuckles. Round smooth fingernails. Ronan wondered if Adam had played the piano in another life.

"Okay okay," Adam said, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He yawned again, rubbed the sleep from his eyes and brushed his dust coloured hair from his face. "Give me thirty minutes."

"No problem, I'm going to wake the satyr," Ronan replied, leaving another peck on Adam's head before he walked out of the room.

He went two doors down the hall and knocked on what used to be Matthew's old bedroom.

"Kerah," came the squeak from inside. Ronan opened the door and saw Opal standing on her bed, bouncing up and down on her hooves. She took one look at Ronan and smiled fiercely.

"Factum est!" she chirped happily. Ronan nodded. She hopped off the bed and jumped into Ronan's arms. He spun her in a circle once in celebration as she giggled into his neck.

"Oportet ostendere Adam," she said.

"I know," Ronan replied, gently putting her to the ground. He then flicked her on the forehead. "And speak English."

Opal stuck her tongue out at him and ran to her closet and started looking for proper clothing for the day.

"Breakfast in ten, okay?" Ronan said. She waved him away without looking at him, so he left her to her own devices.

Adam came down the stairs freshly showered after twenty minutes. Ronan grinned at how his clothes finally fit him properly. His hair was still wet, dripping onto his shoulders.

"Food," Ronan said, pointing to the kitchen table. He had already whisked up some scrambled eggs and toast, and was just flipping the bacon.

"You are such a mom," Adam teased, which earned him the finger.

"I am in a rush," Ronan explained.

"And where are we rushing to?" Adam asked as he plucked a piece of toast off the pile and placed it in his mouth. Ronan merely smiled for answer and continued cooking.

Loading the car was a ceremony. Ronan made sandwiches to take with them. Adam sent Opal back to her room to change when she came downstairs wearing not one but three of Blue's hand-me-down sweaters. Chainsaw was in a fussy mood and didn't want to get into the car until Ronan literally stuffed her into his shirt.

"So where are we going?" Adam asked as he shut the passenger door. Opal kicked the back of his seat playfully.

"I know! I know!" she taunted. Adam turned to give her a questioning look.

"Where?"

"SECRET!" she cackled. Her loud voice made Chainsaw squawk from Ronan's shirt.

"Just shut up and take the damn bird," Ronan told Adam as he pulled Chainsaw out from under his clothes. She perched happily on Adam's forearm. If birds could glare, Ronan would swear she was glaring at him.

Ronan started the car and pulled them out the driveway.

They sat in silence for 30 minutes, Adam squinting at every sign they drove past on the highway. Ronan suppressed a smirk. He could see the cogs in Adam's brain winding, trying to figure out their destination. They were heading to the mountains in a familiar route that had not been traversed in quite some time.

Suddenly it clicked for Adam. He slammed his hand against the window and pressed his head close to look at the passing scenery.

"No..." Adam gasped and he turned to stare at Ronan. He had a shit eating grin on his face.

"You didn't..." Adam said bewildered.

"I did."

Adam sucked in a big breath of air and went to look back out the window. They were coming to a valley at the edge of a forest.

"Cabeswater..." Adam whispered, his eyes wide. Chainsaw cawed loudly at the familiar name.

Ronan pulled the BMW off the road and parked the car on the grass about fifty feet from the trees' edge. He opened the door and pulled himself out of the car. Opal was scurrying out the of the car faster than you could blink. Adam sat in the passenger seat with Chainsaw on his arm, too shocked to move.

"You coming, or what?" Ronan asked impatiently.

Adam opened the door and Chainsaw immediately took off, flying up and up and beyond the tops of the trees. Adam got out of the car, staring anxiously ahead. He felt more than saw Ronan approach. Ronan took Adam's hand in his.

Adam closed his eyes and inhaled the air.

"I think I can feel it," Adam said. He reached forward with the hand Ronan wasn't holding. "It wants us to enter. It wants to say hello."

Ronan took a step forward, tugging Adam's held hand with him. Adam stumbled a step and opened his eyes just in time to see Opal rush pass them, giggling as the trees engulfed her.

"Keep up, Parrish," Ronan admonished, not stopping his pace. Adam let Ronan lead him to the edge of the trees, and then past them.

Adam walked into the forest like he was in a trance. He moved slowly, his eyes darting every which way, his breathing unsteady. Ronan wondered what Adam was feeling, if his connection to Cabeswater was still present, if he could still sense the Ley Line like he used to.

A gentle wind rustled through the trees. The branches croaked. The leaves whistled. Cabeswater said, "Salve Greywaren. Salve Magus."

Adam laughed.

"Did you really have to make Cabeswater speak Latin again?"

Ronan just shrugged. The truth was Ronan felt Latin was their private language. He felt something possessive of Latin in the same way he felt possessive of the memory of his father or of his relationship with Adam. Latin simply felt _right_.

"Salve Cabeswater," Adam said to the forest. He raised his hand into the air in greeting. There was a glimmer and from the long lifeline on his palm a small vine sprouted. It continued to grow and elongate, wrapping itself around Adam's hand, curling between his fingers, and crawling up his forearm. Small white flowers sprouted from the vine. Ronan could suddenly smell vanilla in the air.

Adam brought his arm down and stared at it in front of his face, a small awed grin on his lips. He dropped his arm to his side and the vine slithered off his hand, falling to the ground in a coil. Ronan watched transfixed as the coil move and shifted into a white and green garter snake that glided away into the taller grass.

"The actual fuck, Parrish," Ronan mumbled. Adam's expression was still filled with wonder and he seemed unaffected by Ronan's comment. Instead, he started to laugh. Full and free, Adam tilted his head up to the sky and bellowed loud, unrestrained laughter. Ronan watched silently, completely enraptured. If he was being completely honest with himself, Adam's sudden madness was turning him on.

Adam's laughter began to wane. He took in big gulps of air, his eyes lost towards the sky. The air around him shimmered with magic. Flecks of golden dust motes swirled around his feet. He looked supernatural. He looked powerful.

"Adam," Ronan breathed. Adam tilted his head and glanced at Ronan from the corner of his eye. Ronan shivered. The movement was unnatural and eerie.

"I can feel it again," Adam explained. "The Ley Line. The energy. But it's different. It's like a fully charged battery instead of a guttering light bulb. And it says thank you, Ronan. It's so happy this time. So... _untainted_."

Flowers began to bloom around Adam's feet: small bushes of hydrangea and sweet peas and dark pink roses.

"Jesus," Ronan gasped. It was too much. Adam was too much. The sight made Ronan want to crawl out of his skin. How did he ever manage to earn the attentions of a creature as otherworldly as Adam Parrish?

Adam raised an eyebrow at Ronan.

"Why are you so amazed?" he asked, stepping over the flowers to approach Ronan. "You pulled this entire forest out of your head. If anyone should look like their eyes are going to fall out, it should be me."

Adam stopped inches in front of Ronan. Their eyes locked. Their pulses were racing.

"You're magic, Adam Parrish," Ronan said, his voice almost inaudible.

"And you're a living god," Adam countered before leaning up to lock Ronan's lips with his own.

Something in the air started to buzz with energy. The wind picked up, swirling leaves around the two boys. A raven began to caw. Not that they noticed.

Ronan could almost feel the Ley Line thrumming through Adam's lips into his own. There was static in the air, a cool electricity making his skin feel singed. Maybe a storm was coming. Maybe it was just lust. Or maybe it was _Adam Adam Adam_.

Adam pulled away first, a dreamy look in his eyes.

"I was thinking..." Adam's drawl was thick with Henrietta. Ronan had missed the accent. Adam had gotten so good at sounding New England.

"You think too much," Ronan replied, leaning in to capture Adam's lips again. They kissed slow and languidly, tongues swirling, tasting. Ronan's fingers twisted in Adam's hair.

"I was thinking," Adam said again, pulling only an inch away to speak to Ronan's dismay, "that you look good in green."

"What?" Ronan said bemused. That was until he felt something coil around his belly. Ronan startled and looked down. Thick green vines had climbed their way up his legs while he had been distracted by Adam's clever tongue. They were coiling slowly around his abdomen. Lush, elliptical leaves were erupting from the vines. They crept around Ronan's arms that were still out stretched towards Adam, his hands still tangled in Adam's hair.

"What kind of kinky shit is this?" Ronan asked amused. He pulled against the vines and felt them tighten in response, keeping the two boys locked together. He felt one vine sneak its way under his shirt and brush against a nipple. Ronan shivered.

"Shut up," was all the response Ronan was going to get before Adam attacked his lips again.

Neither boy noticed Opal up in one of the nearby trees, speaking her strange dream language to the forest. Neither boy noticed that the trees were talking back. They were preoccupied with the tangling of limbs and vines and leaves getting stuck in Adam's hair and grass stains getting on Ronan's jeans and maybe they should just take off the jeans already.

They made love in the forest they loved as the trees chanted love back to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad latin translations  
> Factum est: It is done  
> Oportet ostendere Adam: We must show Adam  
> Salve: hello
> 
> A/N: I have this headcanon that Adam joins intramural volleyball and badminton while at university. Although Ronan approves of the volleyball (or anything involving Adam in shorts), he cannot condone the badminton, or as he fondly calls it, "tennis for pussies." (his words, not mine).


	2. They notice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

Laumonier dragged his cigarette. He was not enjoying it. Probably because Singh did not in fact have a cursed monkey paw like he had claimed, and therefore had required a firm, if not gory, reminder that lying to Laumonier had consequences.

Laumonier dragged his cigarette. He was enjoying it thoroughly. He twirled Singh's big toe between his fingers, smirking at the image of the poor man having a limp for the rest of his life.

Then their phones went off at exactly the same time. Laumonier put out his cigarette. Laumonier placed Singh's toes into a box. Both pulled out their phones to see the message alert.

"The Ley Line is acting up," said Laumonier. The message alert was sent via satellite from an electromoagnetic field reader they had left hidden in Henrietta. The readings were running off the charts.

"Same place," added Laumonier.

"Do you think it's back?" asked Laumonier.

"If it is, we will destroy it," said Laumonier. "It took her from us. We owe it."

"I agree. Looks like we're going to Virginia."

"Indeed."


	3. The fish are red and silver

When Gansey got the call from Ronan's cell phone, he had assumed the worst. Mostly because Ronan never called unless someone was dying. Fortunately it was Adam on the other end, breathless and giddy. Which was still odd.

"Ronan finished it," Adam panted. Gansey could hear him swallow. "You have to come see it with us. Bring Blue and Henry."

"What? What's finished?"

"Cabeswater!" Adam exclaimed.

Gansey could feel the goosebumps erupts all over his body as the words sunk in. Ronan had did it. And so quickly. Gansey couldn't believe it.

But with his awe came his fear. He had a debt to Cabeswater. A big one. He wasn't sure if or what Cabeswater would demand of him for having given him its life to bring him back from the dead. Still, he couldn't ignore Cabeswater either. He didn't want to ignore Cabeswater. He wanted to see it.

The trio of Henry, Gansey, and Blue had separated a week ago to visit their respective families. In all honesty, they all desired a bit of a break from each other. Not that they still didn't love each other, but after having spent over nine months in each other's constant company, the idea of a couple weeks of alone, self-reflection time wasn't the end of the world. Plus, they would need to practice being separated for when they all went to their respective colleges in the fall.

That being said, they still Facetime'd each other almost daily. Henry would send them pictures of the beaches in B.C. and the copious amounts of fresh sushi he was eating.

Blue would text updates on the going-ons at 300 Fox Way, including all the gossip from Orla, Calla's hilarious rants, and of course her favourite new hashtag: #shitGwenlliansays (sometimes Gansey wished Henry hadn't explained hashtagging to Blue).

Gansey, meanwhile, was in D.C. at his parent's home. Although he loved his family, he had forgotten all about the white, upper-class privilege he had ran away from. Having a maid make his bed everyday made him uncomfortable. Having his father keep trying to buy him things he didn't need made him uncomfortable. Having Helen make subtle comments about how he had become "cheap" made him uncomfortable.

So when Adam had called informing him Cabeswater was back, he was more than happy to pack the SUV and drive down to Henrietta to see it. Plus a few days staying at the Barns with just Adam and Ronan sounded like an overdue Aglionby reunion. Plus, he could probably kidnap Blue. He should probably call Blue...

He was at a gas station halfway to the Barns when he couldn't put it off any longer. He pulled out his phone and speed dialed the second number. The other end rang only twice before he heard her voice.

"I was about to answer 'Yo, Dickmeister,' but stopped myself," Blue said as greeting. "I think Henry-isms may be a contagious disease."

"Probably. Just be thankful I personally don't refer to you as my child bride."

"Oh god. That one's the worse."

"Henry does have a way with words."

Blue sighed from her end. "Listen to us. First thing we do is start talking about Henry. It's like we can't go one week without obsessing over each other."

Gansey laughed. "Isn't that a good thing? Think of all those relationships out there where the people just want to get away from each other."

"Well we don't really have much of a choice on the matter."

"Actually..." Gansey said, a smile curving his lips. "I'm halfway to Henrietta now."

"What? Why?" Blue asked surprised.

"Adam called me. Ronan brought Cabeswater back."

"No. Fucking. Way. Already?"

"Language, Jane," Gansey admonished with a chuckle. "But yes. Would you like me to pick you up on the way?"

"You can't," Blue said sadly. "I'm not home."

"Oh." Gansey failed at hiding the disappointment from his voice. "Where are you?"

"Mr. Gray showed up yesterday out of nowhere. Mom almost lost it. He said he wanted to take us on a trip. Just the three of us. We're in Maine."

"Oh. Maine's nice." Gansey felt deflated.

"Yeah, it was all very sudden. Yet I think mom knew, she had started packing a bag like an hour before he appeared. Calla has been in a particularly grumpy mood the last couple days. Gwenllian has been strangely more quiet. Makes you wonder if their spider senses were tingling."

Gansey's thumb started kneading his lower lip. The psychics were not acting like women finding out part of the family was going on vacation. They were acting like psychics foreseeing a worrisome future.

"Do you think they might have been reacting to the new Cabeswater?" he asked.

"Now that you mention it... maybe?"

"Did any of the psychics mention the Ley Line at all?"

"Not specifically..." Blue was uncharacteristically silent for a moment. "Should I be worried?"

Gansey did not have an answer to that question.

"I'm going to go check it out. I'm sure if something had gone wrong, Adam would have told me."

"Be careful, Gansey," she said slowly. "I don't think I am mentally capable of handling any more demons, or death, or murderous magical artefact collectors."

"You're currently vacationing with a murderous magical artefact collector."

"Touché."

***

After hanging up with Blue, Gansey texted Adam saying he was heading to Cabeswater immediately and hopped back into the SUV. He shaved off a good half an hour on his commute time by speeding (only a bit, not like how Ronan speeds), before he ended up in the familiar field.

Gansey stepped out of the car. He saw the line of trees that may or may not have been Cabeswater's borders. It was hard to tell, even back then: sometimes they had thought they hadn't entered Cabeswater yet and then suddenly the trees would start talking to them. Sometimes they had been wandering in circles for hours and didn't realize they were already in the magical forest until the seasons started changing every quarter mile. Sometimes they had needed Adam's strange connection to the forest to even know if they were close. Sometimes they couldn't find the forest at all.

Gansey closed his eyes, facing the tree line.

_Should I go in or wait for Adam and Ronan? Am I even in the right place? Is it even safe?_

Gansey decided to do what he normally did: he decided to follow his instincts. And his instincts screamed, "Excelsior!"

He went in.

Almost immediately, everything shifted. The smell, the light, the temperature, the humidity. Gansey was sure: he had just entered Cabeswater.

He stared wide eyed at the forest. He thought he had already seen all the wonders of the world. Boy had he been wrong. Dust motes floated in the beams of sunlight flitting through the thick tree branches. The air smelled sweet and fresh. If he had to describe it, it would be the scent laundry detergent is always trying to mimic: crisp clean water, flowers, grass, moss, wet dust.

He could hear birds chirping. Leaves rustling. Bugs buzzing. There was running water somewhere close, as he could hear that too. The gentle breeze caressed the exposed skin on his cheek, a cool contrast to the warm summer sunlight.

Twigs snapped pleasantly under his feet. He saw a rabbit scurry under a bush from the corner of his eye. Tiny blue lights floated above a puddle in his path.

"Will-o-wisps," Gansey whispered to himself. As if hearing their name, the lights started to dance in random patterns, their reflections in the still water making their numbers appear doubled.

"Ronan, you've outdone yourself," Gansey said in awe. This was heaven. This was perfection. This was the full potential of Cabeswater.

Gansey followed the sound of rushing water through trees that were too beautiful to be real. There were oaks with crisp white trunks. There were redwoods whose trunks were so large, even with Blue and Henry holding hands, their combined circumference wouldn't be able to wrap around them. There were lush maples whose scent reminded him of Christmas morning. There were wild lilies, lilacs, dandelions, and an assortment of other colourful flowers scattered about. There were cicadas chirping, the occasional cricket interrupting, frogs croaking, all singing together in courtship.

Eventually Gansey found the stream whose water ran so perfectly clear, he could distinguish every pebble beneath its surface. He could see tiny fish swimming in the gently flowing water. They reminded him of the first time he was in Cabeswater.

 _The fish are black and silver_ , he thought. The fish were indeed black and silver.

 _The fish are red and silver_ , he thought. The fish were suddenly, unmistakably red and silver. Gansey laughed.

"Cool trick," came a voice from his left. Shocked, Gansey spun on his heel to see who had spoken. The hairs on the back of his neck were erect. He knew that voice.

About ten feet away, crouched by the edge of the water, was a boy in a painfully familiar sweater. His head was bowed down and covered in a crown of pale blonde hair, his face hidden. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and he seemed to be staring at the rushing water.

"Noah..." Gansey gasped. The boy's head slowly lifted and turned towards Gansey. The face was ashen, with large dark circles under its eyes. Its left cheek was smudged and blurry. The smudge crinkled slightly as the boy smiled shyly.

"You're back!" Gansey exclaimed, his voice elated as he rushed up to Noah and tackled him to the ground in a hug. Gansey could feel the heat leeching through his skin as his arms wrapped around Noah. Noah felt like cool water, not quite fully solid, but there, really _there._

"If I was alive, I think I'd be suffocating," Noah said under Gansey's embrace. Gansey let go of his friend and retreated a foot to properly look at him. They stared at each other in silence, sitting on the lush green grass.

"How are you here?" Gansey asked, eyes wide with hope. "Is it because Cabeswater is back?"

"Cabeswater is back?" Noah echoed confused. "Did it leave?"

"Yes," Gansey said, leaning back onto his knees. "It died. To save me."

"Did it?" Noah asked, a slight tilt to his head. The gesture reminded Gansey of an adorable, confused puppy. "Oh, I see. I'm forward today."

"What?" Gansey asked perplexed.

"Sometimes when I'm trying to find you guys, I go too far. It's like using the world's most powerful telescope. It sees so far in front of it, that it can see the edge of the universe. And it can follow that edge all the way around and end up back where it started by showing you back of your own head. Except in the past. Give or take fifteen billion light years."

"What?" Gansey repeated with a laugh. Hearing Noah talk nonsense was further proof he was with the real thing. Noah always said the strangest things.

"The universe is a circle," and Noah used his index finger to draw a circle in the air. "And time is circular."

Gansey's smile evaporated from his face. It had happened again. The déjà vu. He had heard Noah say those words in the back of his head in a hostel in New York. He had drawn a circle in the air with his own finger, having had the image planted into his head. He had lived this moment before even though he was living it for the first time now.

"You understand now?" Noah asked, returning Gansey's traumatized expression with his own strange blank one.

"I think I do," Gansey replied. He swallowed and then looked down at the ground. It was starting to hurt too much to look at Noah. "You aren't back. This is the old you. Before you disappeared for good."

Noah nodded. "Getting a glimpse into the future through life's strange telescope."

Noah looked around at Cabeswater, at the light glinting off the surface of the water, at the leaves swaying to a secret melody, at the whisper of life all around them.

"So this is a different Cabeswater," Noah muttered to himself. "It's very nice."

"Ronan made it," Gansey explained almost solemnly. His exuberance had left him.

"And the old one died to save you?" Noah repeated. Gansey nodded. Noah took a deep breath, his shoulders sinking slightly on the exhale as his body relaxed. "I'm so glad. I'm so glad it wasn't all for nothing."

"What happened?" Gansey asked. "To you? To us?"

"I think you know," Noah said with a sadness shimmering in his eyes.

"We died together, didn't we? All those years ago."

"Yes," Noah replied.

"And it wasn't Glendower who saved me. It was you. All those years ago."

Noah merely smiled for an answer.

"You knew, didn't you? This whole time. My whole life's mission... You gave it to me."

"I gave you the means to find our friends," Noah said, reaching out to Gansey. Gansey's own hand lifted of its own accord and their fingers entwined: warm and living with dead and cold. "I gave you a quest to find and save all of them. Because we all needed saving. I'm so glad it all worked out. I wasn't sure if it would. I wasn't sure if they would find a way to save _you_ in the end."

Gansey felt heat and pressure push behind his eyes. His vision blurred. His heart wrenched.

"It was you," Gansey choked, failing miserably at holding back the sobs that wanted to tear his throat apart. "None of it would have been possible without you." Gansey fell forward, wrapping his arms around Noah again, letting loose the sobs his body could no longer contain. Noah was so ethereal, but at least he was there. Gansey's tears fell down his cheeks in hearty streams. Noahs arms returned Gansey's embrace, one hand patting him on the back in comfort.

"Do I get to say goodbye?" Noah asked. "Before I leave for good?"

Gansey shook his head, burying his face in Noah's neck. He could feel his tears freezing into tiny ice crystals on his cheeks. He didn't care.

"I didn't think so," Noah sighed dejectedly. "Then can we say goodbye now? I don't think I will be able to stay here much longer..."

"If we must," Gansey's pained voice cracked. He pulled away from Noah again, each boy holding the other's shoulders to look directly into each other's eyes.

"Goodbye, Richard Campbell Gansey the Third," Noah said with the biggest and warmest smile Gansey has ever seen on his face. It made Gansey wonder if that was how Noah's smile always looked when he was alive. "I hope you aren't too upset I was Blue's first kiss."

A raw laugh escaped Gansey's throat while tears still trickled from his eyes.

"Goodbye, Noah Czerny. And thank you for giving me a second chance at life. You will be remembered."

Noah nodded appreciatively and Gansey could feel the knit Aglionby sweater beneath his fingers become more and more insubstantial until it, and one of the best people Gansey had ever known, faded away completely. His arms fell to their sides.

Gansey continued to kneel next to the stream weeping silently. Minutes or hours passed. He didn't know. He didn't care. Time was circular anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the feels. I just couldn't stand how Noah's part in the book ended.


	4. Not there for the tuna fish

Laumonier pulled the car in front of a tacky drugstore with a big sign claiming the best tuna fish sandwich in town.

They weren't there for sandwiches. They were there for items of the more flammable variety.

Laumonier opened the trunk of their rental car and went through his mental checklist.

\- Chainsaw, brand new (of the sawing-trees-in-half variety)

\- Two gallons of gasoline

\- Two machetes, freshly sharpened

\- One 9 mm, one 45 mm, one shotgun (sawed), one sniper rifle, and a small duffel of ammo

\- Two mirrors

-  An idol of a fertility goddess from Papua New Guinea

\- Two pendants blessed with protective charms made from the tightly braided hair of the virgin child nuns of a small religious order from the West Indies

\- Their luggage

They still needed to pick up a hand held torch or lighter, some matches, rope, and a couple of sodas.

Laumonier closed the trunk and pulled out the EMF reader from his pocket. The red lights had been blinking angrily non-stop since they were within range of the Ley Line. The energy peak had been strong and steady for six hours straight, through two states, and with no indication of petering off. Whatever had been woken was wide awake, maw open, and ready for a fight. Laumonier was bringing that fight.

Laumonier lit a cigarette while Laumonier went into the drugstore to buy the remaining supplies. He had a weary eye on the EMF, but was mostly watching the cars on the streets. There was a man out there somewhere driving a white Mitsubishi who Laumonier wanted to kill. This man had been purposely avoiding Virginia for a while. At first, Laumonier thought the man was creating a web of contacts, the majority of whom lived in bigger cities than the pitiful offerings of Virginia. Slowly, however, a pattern emerged. There was a sizable circumference the man would not trespass, and right at the centre of it was Henrietta, where a demon destroyed Laumonier's daughter. Twenty five minutes outside of Henrietta, still within the circumference, was a farm where one third of Laumonier had been shot down by this particular man.

Laumonier hated the man. Laumonier better not see the damn man or his white Mitsubishi or Laumonier would bring hell into this sleepy, hateful town.

Rumour had it the man had broken his pattern and had been in town only a couple of days earlier.

Rumour had it the man did not stay long.

Rumour had it the man knew about the EMF spike as soon as Laumonier did and instead of bringing his own arsenal and scouts to Virginia he told his business partners to stay far away.

Laumonier lost his taste for his cigarette and let the embers burn down between his fingers. He was restless. Hungry. He itched for destruction, pain, and revenge.

Laumonier came out of the store with two medium sized bags filled with the goods. He tossed them into the back seat of the car before climbing into the front.

Laumonier flicked away his cigarette and pulled himself into the passenger seat.

"When do you want to strike?" Laumonier asked as he turned on the engine.

"Tomorrow. Let's find the source and set up traps tonight. Then wait."

Laumonier pulled out the GPS device from the glove box and routed it to the EMF reader to have a satellite image of the energy signal. Laumonier drove away from the drugstore, following the signal towards the mountains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit starts to get real next chapter.


	5. We need to talk about Gansey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

Adam was still shaken from the previous night. They had gotten Gansey's cryptic text an hour after he had sent it:

_Something's off with the psychics. Going to check out Cabeswater now._

Adam had almost had a heart attack. After all they had been through, he didn't think it was necessary to make a list of rules when it came to dealing with the weird supernatural shit haunting their lives. But if they had a list a rules, the first one would obviously be: "Do not enter Cabeswater alone."

Considering Gansey's long term acquaintance with death, one would think he of all people would know to follow that one particularly rule. But of course he didn't. Because sometimes smart people behave like idiots. (Adam would know as he was included in this group).

This in turn led to an afternoon where a panicked Adam shoved Ronan into the BMW and Ronan drove like a maniac (which is to say, he drove like he always drove), just to get to the magical dream forest before something terrible happened to Gansey.

And because fate was a cruel bitch, they had been too late. They had found Gansey in Cabeswater hunched on the ground. He had his knees pulled into his chest and his face hidden in his legs. His shoulders had been shaking with silent sobs. Or maybe he was shivering. It had been hard to tell. When Adam had called his name, Gansey lifted his head revealing tear streaked cheeks and cold blue lips.

They had gotten Gansey to his feet and had brought him back to the Barns. After several cups of hot tea, Gansey had told them what he had seen. Or whom.

And it hurt.

Adam did not have the same close friendship with Noah that Ronan had shared. And he did not have that fated bond of life and death like Gansey had. But Noah had been his friend. Noah had been a good person. Noah had cared about him, and he could still count the number of people who cared about him on only one hand.

He missed Noah. He was an unassuming presence, but a belonging force. He was creepy and awkward and a bit of a coward, but he was also normalcy. Adam did see the irony in calling the ghost friend the normal one, but it was true. Noah wanted to skateboard and play retro video games and go drag racing and listen to 90s punk rock and it was nice because it wasn't college applications and hiding from his father and chasing down dead kings in magic forests.

Adam missed Noah. And to learn from Gansey what Noah had sacrificed for them, to learn that Noah orchestrated their journey together, it was too bittersweet to bear.

Which is why Adam did not feel shame when he had wrapped his arms around Gansey and Ronan after too much watered down tea and allowed himself to share a tear with two of the most important people in his life. Noah was even worth taking a swig from the dusty whiskey bottle Ronan had found and together they chanted a toast to the departed. The young men had stayed up late drinking and sharing their many memories of the boy with the smudgy face and cold hands.

Consequently, the young men woke up with dry mouths and headaches, still in their day clothes, scattered about Ronan's living room. They all ached, both from the poor sleeping positions and from the raw wounds in their hearts. But Noah had deserved this, so Adam would suffer the pain with dignity.

Today was a new day and the Raven Boys were reunited to take it on. Today they would explore Cabeswater properly together. They would just have to do it hungover.

Adam cursed himself. He should have known better. He did not usually drink.

Ronan, of course, went about his farm chores with Opal as if he had been chugging juice all night. Adam suspected he was simply better at hiding his suffering from long practice over actually being unaffected by that awful whiskey.

Gansey, on the other hand, moaned dramatically the moment consciousness rammed into him.

"I feel like a hippopotamus has been sitting on my face all night and passing flatulence directly into my mouth," Gansey grumbled as he reached for the glass of water Ronan had kindly left each boy on the coffee table.

"Thanks for that mental image," Adam replied as he pulled himself to his feet. He needed a toothbrush, and a shower, and an i.v. fluid line.

Adam glanced out the kitchen window. He could see Ronan riding a tractor across the fields in the distance. He would be another hour or two.

"I'm going to go shower," Adam told Gansey with a friendly slap on the back. Gansey groaned again. "There's a spare toothbrush in the downstairs bathroom. You can use the shower after me, I'll leave you out a towel."

"You sound like this is your house," Gansey teased. It made Adam's cheeks heat up. He refused to dignify the comment with a response and left Gansey to his own devices.

Adam did not worry about hot water consumption that morning. He let the steam build in the bathroom while he chugged a litre of water directly from the sink tap. He then stripped and went under the powerful stream and let the heat sluice away his hangover.

He let his mind wander as the grit from the last day got washed away. His body moved on autopilot; soap, shampoo, conditioner. He was letting the water massage his shoulders, relaxing into it, drowsy and drifting. His mind felt loose, barely tethered to his skull. He felt a leaf brush his cheek.

His eyes shot open.

It had been over a year since Cabeswater had reached out to him in such a way. His heart was suddenly pounding in his chest.

Adam let his eyes drift close again, now reaching with his senses to see what the forest could want.

A pain tore through him, hot an searing. Like heartburn, but on every inch of his skin.

Adam fell to his knees and he heard something shatter. It sounded like glass. It sounded like it did not come from the bathroom. Just as instantly, the pain was gone.

Adam turned off the shower taps, grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his hips ,and tore out of the bathroom.

He pounded down the stairs two at a time, leaving a trail of wet footprints in his wake.

When he entered the kitchen he saw Gansey on his knees on the floor, fallen like Adam had in the shower, his glass of water shattered into pieces in front of him.

"You okay?" Adam gasped out of breath.

Gansey looked up at him, fear in his eyes.

"I don't know what happened," he mumbled. "I was just going to refill the glass and then I felt...pain."

Adam's heart skipped a beat. It couldn't be possible. Could it?

"Did it feel like burning? Like chemicals searing your skin?" he asked apprehensively.

Gansey's eyes widened and he nodded.

"Jesus," Adam swore, rubbing a hand over his face. "You felt it too."

"Felt what?" Gansey asked desperately, pulling himself to his feet.

"Cabeswater."

Gansey stared at Adam in shock.

"What?"

"I don't know," he groaned frustrated. "I don't know! Just now, I felt like Cabeswater was trying to contact me. Like it used to. And then I felt _burning_."

"Are you still connected with Cabeswater?" Gansey asked.

Adam sighed. "I don't know."

"I am," Gansey said slowly. It was Adam's turn to stare at Gansey. Gansey swallowed. "I think... I am."

"It's not just the déjà vu thing, is it?" Adam surmised. He remembered Gansey's confession about feeling time loop around him. He remembered the explanation Gansey paraphrased from Noah last night.

Gansey started rubbing his lower lip with his thumb. "I feel split," he said. "I feel like I have two voices in my head. Two very different voices. One of them is me and the other is just raw instinct. And I have been listening to instinct more and more. It told me to enter Cabeswater yesterday. It told me to go into that underground corridor by myself to find Glendower. It told me what I had to do to stop the demon and save Ronan. It's an invisible hand guiding me. And I keep listening. And since I came back from the dead the second time, it's showing me more and more and making me do more and more. But it's still me. Just other me. I don't even realize it's the other me until it's too late. Until I see what it tried to show me, or do what it wanted me to do. But it's always still me. It's my voice and my actions. It doesn't feel like Cabeswater is trying to communicate with me. It feels like _I'm_ trying to communicate with me."

It was hard for Adam to understand. Because when Cabeswater tried to communicate with Adam, he knew it was Cabeswater; it was something from _outside_ himself trying to give him a message. Adam's experience with Cabeswater was not what Gansey was describing.

"Dammit," Gansey growled, covering his face in his hands. "I know that doesn't make sense. I don't know how else to explain it."

"Maybe..." Adam said hesitantly, scared where his thoughts were going, "It feels like you because it _is_ you. Maybe since your life was given to you by Cabeswater, you are one in the same now."

"I'm not a forest, Adam," Gansey said indignantly.

"But you may be both forest _and_ a boy. Like the tree lights are both tree and human."

"I'm not a symbiote or hybrid either," he retorted.

"Maybe you are," Adam disputed calmly. "You are what Cabeswater made you. Cabeswater asked us for a blueprint, but _it_ made you. It brought you back. And it seems like you are connected to it, but not the way I was."

"But we _both_ felt that...whatever it was," Gansey reasoned desperately. "It's not a coincidence. We don't do coincidence anymore."

"What's this about coincidence?" came a third voice.

It was at that point Ronan walked into the kitchen through the back door bare-chested, using his tank top as a towel to wipe sweat from his head. Opal was still outside, rocking back and forth from a tire swing and oblivious to the scene taking place in the kitchen.

"Careful, broken glass," Adam warned him. Ronan's gaze shot to the ground and then he eyed his friends suspiciously.

"You two weren't having a domestic, were you?"

"No," Gansey said. "But we both felt something strange. We think it has to do with Cabeswater."

Ronan shot a glance to Adam. "You think it is communicating with you again?" he asked almost hopefully.

"I don't know. I just felt this awful pain. And so did Gansey. At the same time."

"Ah," said Ronan, understanding dawning on his face. " _Coincidence_."

"We should go check it out," Gansey suggested, clearly done talking about his own connection to Cabeswater. Adam frowned. They needed to figure out what was going on with Gansey, not avoid it.

"Aight," Ronan threw his tank top at Adam and it smacked him in the face. Adam pulled it off his head and gave Ronan a glare. "Imma go shower. Put some pants on, Parrish."

Adam had completely forgotten he was wearing nothing but a towel and was still pretty damn wet standing in the middle of Ronan's kitchen. He grumbled something along the lines of "smartass" under his breath and followed Ronan upstairs while Gansey cleaned up the broken glass.

***

The car ride to Cabeswater in Ronan's BMW was filled with awkward silence. Adam wanted to talk about Gansey. Adam knew Gansey knew Adam wanted to talk about Gansey. So when Adam had looked over his shoulder at Gansey sprawled in the back seat, Gansey had simply shook his head and closed his eyes.

"We have to talk about it," Adam said. Ronan, still not privy to their earlier conversation, merely raised an eyebrow but kept his silence.

"What else is there to say?" Gansey replied. "That I'm different now? That I'm not me anymore? That I'm sharing my body with a forest? Because I don't agree."

"Say what?" Ronan interjected.

"Then let me try something," Adam suggested.

"What?" Gansey asked. Adam raised a hand to signal patience. He flicked on the car's sound system and let Ronan's EDM tether him to his body. He closed his eyes and let his head droop down. He let go his sense of self and reached out.

 _Cabeswater_ , he called. He felt a twinge of the Ley Line near him, and getting closer.

_Cabeswater, can you hear me?_

He didn't get a reply. But he felt something warm prickle his skin. He heard a drop of dew roll off a leaf and fall onto the ground and sizzle. And he smelled...smoke?

Gansey started coughing from the back seat. Not just a small cough, but big choking wheezes. He curled over on himself, gasping for air.

"Are you okay?" Ronan asked, shooting Gansey a worried glance via the rear-view mirror. Adam was still trying to concentrate on Cabeswater, the scent of wood burning faintly in the air. He was close to something. He could feel it.

Gansey continued to wheeze and hack. He spat something up into his hand.

"Jesus Christ, Gansey, breathe!" Ronan yelled over his shoulder.

Adam could feel heat licking his face. Adam could feel orange light dancing on the other side of his eyelids.

"Adam," Gansey panted between dry coughs. "Stop."

Adam didn't stop. Sweat was breaking out on his forehead. It was not from concentration. It was from the waves of heat buffeting his face.

"I'm pulling over," Ronan growled to no one in particular, and swerved the car onto the shoulder.

Adam could hear birds cawing. Large black ravens were flapping their wings in a panic as they fled. He couldn't see it, but he knew. He knew.

"Adam," Gansey's voice was hoarse, he was still having trouble sucking in air. "Please."

Adam did not hear Gansey. Instead, he heard hooves trampling the forest ground. An exodus was occurring. And the air was getting hotter.

"I said STOP!"

The world stopped.

Adam slammed back into his body so forcefully his head whipped painfully into the seat's headrest. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. The entire car was locked in utter stasis.

Gansey had used his King's voice. Gansey had frozen time. Even the dust motes weren't moving in the air. The BMW's engine had stuttered to a halt. The stereo was suddenly silent. Ronan was sitting stock still, his back straight, his eyes wide in shock and his knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel so hard.

Gansey was finally able to suck in a big breath of air. He took a few seconds to inhale and exhale, his coughing fit finally over. Gansey looked down at his hand. He had coughed up saliva dotted with small black spots of soot and even smaller flecks of blood.

"Gan-" Adam began but was interrupted by Gansey's harsh tone.

"Don't speak."

Adam felt his jaw clamp shut. He didn't consciously want to do that. His brain was telling his lips to move, to talk to Gansey, but his body was not obeying his brain. His body was obeying Gansey.

_I will be your hands. I will be your eyes._

The memory hit Adam hard. Not only of the bargain he had made with Cabeswater so long ago, but the feeling of complete loss of control when the demon had taken over. When his eyes had been hijacked for the demon's spying pleasure. When his fingers had curled around Ronan's throat with the intent to kill...

Hot molten rage, the likes of which Adam hadn't felt for months, erupted through him.

His will was his most valued possession. Always has been. Always will be. He had loaned it to Cabeswater. He had had it stolen by the demon. And now it was somehow being completely overwhelmed by Gansey with just a few words.

Adam felt hurt. Adam felt betrayed. Adam felt weak.

He wanted to scream at Gansey. He wanted to shake Gansey, slap him, punch him. But he couldn't move. He couldn't speak. Everything was frozen. Because Gansey had commanded "stop."

"I don't know what you were trying to do," Gansey's voice was cold as he stared at the soot and blood and phlegm in his hand. "I don't know what is happening to me. But I will not be your science experiment."

If Adam could move, he would have laughed. The irony was not lost on him. How could Gansey possibly complain about being vulnerable while Adam was currently helpless under his thrall?

"Is that clear?" Gansey asked.

Adam tried to move his lips, but couldn't.

"Answer me," Gansey ordered.

The invisible strings holding Adam and Ronan stock still were suddenly cut. Ronan slumped forward, his head pressing against the steering wheel, taking in slow deep breaths.

Adam felt his body sink into the leather of the passenger seat, every muscle burning from being held taut just moments before.

"Fucking hell on wheels," Ronan breathed, his shoulders trembling slightly.

Adam swivelled in his chair to look at Gansey in the back seat. Gansey's face looked utterly horrified. His mouth was slightly ajar. He had the expression of a good man just realizing he had committed a horrific crime. It was fitting because that was indeed what had transpired.

"This," Adam hissed through clenched teeth, "is what I was trying to talk about."

Gansey covered his mouth with his hand, shaking his head.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. Gansey's eyes were brimming with tears. "Oh my god, Adam. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize-"

"No, you didn't," Adam growled. The rage was boiling. It wanted an outlet. It wanted to smash, destroy, break.

"Adam," Ronan said calmly, reaching a hand to touch Adam's shoulder. Adam flinched, shrugging the hand off.

"No, you don't get to defend him," Adam spat, turning his wrath to Ronan. "He controlled us, Ronan. He used his own brand of magic and _controlled us_."

"I didn't mean to," Gansey pleaded, the tears spilling over. "I swear, Adam. I didn't mean to. I thought I was dying. I just needed you to stop so I could breathe. I didn't mean to do _that._ "

"This is why we need to talk about it!" Adam yelled. "You aren't normal anymore. No one in this car is normal anymore! You're connected to Cabeswater and you are living time out of order and you can literally command the world around you. We need to deal with this. Because I never want to be controlled like that again. Do you hear me? Even if it was an accident, I _never_ want to feel that again."

Adam was panting by the time he was finished. Ronan's face was stricken but he remained silent.

"I know, Adam," Gansey said, and he did look so earnest with tears streaming down his cheeks, his whole body shaking with guilt. "I am so sorry. I know what you've been through. I know. Please forgive me. I didn't mean to do that to you. I would never intentionally do that to you."

Adam forced himself to take one long deep breath from his nose. Gansey looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. He looked like fear and self-hatred were tearing him up from the inside. He looked like a man about to die of remorse.

The rage deflated out of Adam as he exhaled. He was left with an ache in his chest. But at least the storm had passed. He had not hit anybody.

"Okay," Adam said with a sigh. "Okay."

"Fuck," Ronan added bewildered.

Gansey wiped the tears from his face. His expression was incredibly broken.

"We need to get to Cabeswater," Adam said, returning to the task at hand.

"Seriously?" Ronan appealed. "Nobody going to explain to me what the fuck just happened?"

"We need to hurry, we'll explain on the way," Adam beseeched Ronan.

"Why?"

Gansey and Adam answered together in synch.

"Cabeswater is burning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's getting real.  
> Ronan's POV next.


	6. So much for Maine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

Mr. Gray sat in a foldable lawn chair in the sands of Old Orchard Beach. It was a beautiful late spring day, meaning the beach was mostly empty as most of the young kids were still in school. Mr. Gray preferred it that way.

There was something soothing about the waves crashing on the rocky shore. It reminded him of an Old English poem about a fisherman finding a crab with jewels in his carapace. He was about to recite it to Maura but his thoughts were interrupted as Maura took off her t-shirt and jeans, revealing a very flattering red bikini. She smiled evocatively at him as he gawked.

"Gross," Blue deadpanned before she skipped away to begin hunting for seashells.

Mr. Gray felt content to have these wonderful, unstoppable women in his life. He felt grateful that the turbulence in the magical artefact community had calmed down enough that it was finally safe to spend time with them. He felt a bit of apprehension knowing that the Ley Line was reacting to something in Henrietta. But they weren't in Henrietta. Nor were they on a Ley Line. So he was able to take in a big calming breath of air, close his eyes, and enjoy the sensation of the hot sun caressing his skin.

Until his phone buzzed.

He ignored it until it went to voicemail.

Then it buzzed again.

"You should answer it," Maura said, pulling down her sunglasses to look at Mr. Gray meaningfully.

"Why? I'm on vacation," he replied cheekily.

It buzzed again.

"Answer it. You really need to answer it."

Maura's voice was nervous this time. This got Mr. Gray's attention. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone. He did not like the single name he saw on the caller display. He turned the phone on and growled, "This better be important. I'm on vacation."

"It is very important," came the thickly accented woman's voice. She was curt and spoke quickly, as was her nature.

"Well?"

"Do you know about the energy activity happening in your old domain?" the woman asked.

"Yes. Which is why I am far away from my old domain. Why do you care? I have been informed your son is with you, is he not?"

He was met with silence on the other end.

"Then why are you calling me?" Mr Gray asked.

"Do you remember the events that occurred the last time such energy spikes were recorded?"

Of course he remembered. How could he possibly forget?

"Well so does Laumonier," the woman said before there was an audible click and the phone went dead.

_Shit._

He looked at Maura. She looked worried, biting her lower lip.

"Something is about to happen in Henrietta," Mr. Gray told her.

"I know. It's why you came to get us."

"Yes. No. Well, sort of. I've just been informed that whatever is affecting the Ley Line seems to be attracting the wrong sort of people again. Is the Lynch boy still down there?"

Maura nodded.

"We need to go back, don't we?" she said, almost regretfully.

"If you want to guarantee his safety, yes, we do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I lied. Next chapter is Ronan POV


	7. What lurks in the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The biggest thank you ever to MagiaSomniaque who beta'd the Latin like a boss (she be smart).
> 
> The rest is unbeta'd, though, so not her fault if there are errors.

Adam explained to Ronan his theories while Gansey sat silently in the back seat like an admonished child. Or like a ghost. Gansey barely moved. His eyes were glassy and distant.

Ronan knew Gansey better than the others because he had known Gansey the longest. They had been friends when they had been very different people, and a history like theirs goes deep. Nevertheless, they had their differences. One thing about Ronan and Gansey that was fundamentally different was the way they wanted to be seen by others. Ronan couldn't give two flying fucks what other people thought of him. In fact, the worse they thought of him, the better because then they would avoid him and leave him alone. Gansey, on the other hand, needed to be loved by everyone. He needed to do right by everyone. He needed everyone to respect him.

They way Gansey had hurt Adam, although unintentionally, would haunt Gansey for a long time. Gansey was obsessive by nature. He would obsess over what he had done and he would let the guilt eat away at him. Ronan did not want that. Ronan wanted his boyfriend and best friend to be okay again.

As Ronan sped down the interstate, Adam explained that ever since Gansey had been resurrected, he had been having visions. Also, Cabeswater seemed to be coexisting inside Gansey. Or possessing him. Or they were now the same entity.

The point was that whenever Adam had been trying to communicate with the new Cabeswater, Gansey seemed to have been picking up the signal. Adam wasn't sure if Gansey was becoming a conduit for Cabeswater or was part of Cabeswater itself.

Gansey did not seem to want to comment on the matter. In fact, he did not want to say anything, afraid his words would lead to undesired consequences.

Ronan couldn't say he had been particularly bothered when Gansey's words had taken control of his body. In fact, Ronan couldn't say he had been surprised either. Perhaps he had always seen Gansey as something greater than human. Gansey walked the halls of school and had every boy drinking from the palm of his hand. Gansey went to his family's boring benefit dinners and had all the adults entranced. To Ronan, Gansey had always possessed an ignorable power. All eyes fell onto him when he entered a room. All ears listened rapt when he spoke. All hearts were swayed when he smiled. It had always been that way.

Ronan, a force of nature himself, a man not to be controlled or commanded or held back by rules, would not lie, not even to himself. He was self-aware enough to admit even he couldn't deny Gansey most things. He was also self-aware enough to know Declan had counted on that fact for many years. It was the only reason Declan had barely argued with Ronan when he said he had wanted to move out of the Aglionby dorms and into Monmouth Manufacturing.

But what Ronan had experienced today was much more than Gansey's natural magnetism. Gansey had said "stop" in a voice Ronan had heard him use maybe a couple of times, and every muscle in his body had clenched up, freezing him in place. His car had stopped running (and the BMW never broke down, as it was a dream thing created to never require repairs). Everything had become still. Even Adam, the most willful person Ronan had ever met, had been Gansey's puppet.

Ronan was convinced that the magic carried in Gansey's voice was not Cabeswater's doing. He felt it had always been there, dormant, never needing to be used. Until it did. Until he had used it to wake a skeleton graveyard of mythical beasts. Until he had used it to say, _"Let it be to kill the demon."_

Until he had used it to save Ronan's life at the cost of his own.

Maybe that was why Ronan was not angry at Gansey like Adam was. Maybe a part of him always felt indebted to Gansey, whether for picking up the broken pieces that was his life after his father had died, or for sacrificing his life to stop the demon from unmaking him. Ronan did not have it in him to ever resent Gansey.

If anything, Ronan loved the idea of Gansey having his own magic. He loved it as much as Adam reconnecting with Cabeswater, as Blue being part tree, as Opal being a satyr. He loved the otherness of them all because it made them belong together. Ronan had been other on his own for too long before he had met them.

But more importantly, Gansey was still Gansey. Adam kept saying Gansey was changed from his resurrection, but Ronan knew a dream thing from the real one. Gansey was real. Gansey was himself. Gansey had always been the magic creature he was now. It was so obvious to Ronan that he couldn't see how it wasn't obvious to someone as smart as Adam.

Ronan decided to not push the subject further. Gansey was clearly traumatized and Adam was clearly worried and Ronan did not like the whole "Cabeswater is burning" prophecy they had both made.

So Ronan drove and drove, the car's atmosphere heavy with fear and uncertainty. Once Ronan had cleared some of the mountains, he could see a plume of dark smoke raising in the distance.

Adam rolled down his window and pulled his head out of the car to get a better view. They were about ten minutes away from Cabeswater and there was definitely a pillar of black smoke rising from the forest in the distance.

"Hurry," Adam told Ronan. It was unnecessary; Ronan was speeding as fast as he could without driving them off the winding mountain roads and to their deaths.

They got to the clearing next to Cabeswater's borders in record time. Adam shot out of the car like a dart. The line of trees was still intact, the column of smoke erupting from much deeper into the forest.

Big black birds were shooting out over the tree line, cawing a warning of death. They circled and circled the pillar of smoke, almost as if they were waiting for something.

"What do we do?" Ronan asked.

Gansey pulled out his phone and dialed emergency services. He put on his best Richard Campbell Gansey the Third voice and more ordered than informed the fire department to get a move on it.

Adam was staring into the woods, eyes wide. He seemed to be on the edge deciding something. He wrung his hands nervously. He looked like he wanted to run right into the fire.

"We can't go in," Ronan said, placing a hand on Adam's shoulder. "It's too dangerous."

"So many animals are going to die..." Adam said.

"I'll dream new ones," Ronan replied, desperate to calm his lover.

"Ronan..." Adam turned to him, anxiety on his face. "We can't do nothing."

Gansey had put away his phone. He looked at the forest, at the sky, at the birds.

"It's in pain," Gansey whispered. His hand went to above his heart and his fingers fisted into his shirt. "I can feel it. It's in pain."

Ronan swore. He didn't want this. He had just brought Cabeswater back and it was being destroyed. It was so unfair.

"Fine," he growled, relenting to Adam's pleading gaze, to Gansey's pained expression. "Follow me," he told the other two and he began to make his way towards the tree line.

They entered. The transition between reality and Cabeswater felt like stepping through molasses. It was a fleeting sensation, but it was distinct. Once on the other side, they found the forest eerily quiet. There was a stillness to the air, heavy and foreboding. No birds chirped, no insects buzzed. Adam placed a hand on a tree and closed his eyes.

"Cabeswater. Quid accidit?" he asked aloud. Adam's Latin might be getting rusty, but he still knew the basics.

"Occidimur," the trees wailed.

Ronan and Adam shared a baffled look. Gansey, whose Latin was nowhere near up to snuff to have understood that, seemed to have understood perfectly.

"This is no accident," Gansey glowered, spinning on the spot. "This is an attack."

"But why?" Adam asked. "By who?"

Gansey stopped spinning, facing deeper into the forest. "They're still here."

"Who is?" Ronan asked.

"You sure?" Adam asked.

Gansey closed his eyes.

"Periculum!" the leaves warned. "Veniunt. Venantur."

"I'm sure," Gansey said. He bent down and grabbed a large stick from the ground. He waved it back and forth like a baseball bat before holding it in front of him, ready.

Ronan thrilled. Adrenaline surged in his veins. He had forgotten this sensation.

Like sudden thunder, a gunshot erupted from the shadows. The bark of a tree exploded into splinters right next to Gansey's head.

Adam grabbed Ronan and pushed him to the ground.

"Get cover!" Gansey yelled, diving behind the tree that now sported a messy bullet hole.

"They've got fucking guns!" Ronan yelled needlessly. What the hell were they supposed to do against guns?

"We need to stay calm," Adam panted into his ear as they crawled together low on the ground.

Another gunshot rang out. Leaves and dust erupted in a cloud far to Ronan's left. He could no longer see Gansey.

"Calm does not win against guns," Ronan snapped back at Adam. "We need to find a way to defend ourselves."

Adam bit his lip for a moment and then his eyes went wild, searching around them in need.

"We need to use the forest," Adam said, his fingers digging into the damp earth. "Cabeswater is the only weapon we have."

"How?" Ronan asked.

"We can't win if we can't find them. Ask Cabeswater to show us where they are."

Ronan nodded.

"Cabeswater, ubi celant?" Ronan asked. "Eos indica."

The entire forest shuddered. It was the first sign of life in the stillness that had surrounded them. A breeze caressed their skin like an acknowledgement.

There was the sound of ripping, like roots tearing from the ground.

There was the sound of creaking, like entire trees bending, resisting being broken into two.

"Merde!" came an angry voice from Ronan's ten o'clock. Both Ronan and Adam's gaze shot to the location.

The trees had mysteriously shifted. There was a clear path in front of them that went a good fifty metres that had not been there before. There was movement coming from the shadows where the path ended. The movement coalesced into a human figure.

"Move!" Adam snapped, shoving Ronan to their left to circle around. Now that they had seen the shooter, they needed keep him in view while maintaining their cover.

As they moved slowly and quietly, Ronan knelt down and grabbed something long and white. It was the femur of a large animal, maybe an elk. Cabeswater was providing its Greywaren what it could.

"Where's Gansey?" Adam murmured as they closed the distance. Ronan shook his head. Once they were a dozen meters away, they saw the shooter clearly. He was dressed in a glossy grey suit. He was flat on his ass, struggling with something. It looked like his foot was caught, whether in roots or vines, they couldn't tell. He was desperately trying to pull himself free, mumbling French under his breath. The gun was resting on the ground by his hip.

"You think you can take him?" Adam asked Ronan. Adam was not going to kid himself into believing he was the fighter out of the two of them. A fierce smirk split Ronan's mouth. His knuckles were white gripping the long bone.

"I will distract him. Try to knock him out and get that gun away from him," Adam ordered. Ronan nodded. Adam, quick an agile, disappeared into the brush. Ronan crouched down in waiting, keeping his breathing as steady as possible. His heart was pounding in his ears. He had not felt this riled up for a while. Maybe not since his last race with Kavinsky.

It was the old addiction. The first one. Danger, pure and simple. His blood was singing.

There was a loud crash on the opposite side of where the man was sitting. The man stopped tearing at his foot to turn his surprised gaze in that direction.

That's when Ronan moved.

He shot forward, weapon raised, closing the distance between himself and the back of the man's head in two seconds flat. He swung with everything he had, bone meeting bone in a loud crunch. The man crumbled to the ground, still. Before Ronan spared him a second glance, he grabbed the gun and leapt back.

A moment later Adam appeared, leaves tangled in his hair. Ronan gave Adam a silent look, pointing the gun at the man. Adam approached the still body cautiously. There was a small amount of blood starting to pool underneath the man's grey hair and seeping into the grass and dried leaves on the ground.

Adam tentatively reached a hand to the man's neck.

"He's alive," Adam said, quickly stepping back.

"Not for long," Ronan spat, angling the gun right between the man's eyes.

"Ronan!" Adam shouted, anger reverberating in his voice. "We are not murderers."

Ronan bared his teeth down at the man. But he lowered the gun.

"Help me tie him up," Adam said, taking off his own belt to wrap around the man's hands.

Ronan sucked in air between his teeth, but knelt down to help Adam. They managed to tie the man's legs with his own belt. The man wasn't breathing well, his breaths rattling in his chest. Ronan wondered if he would die soon anyway. He wouldn't lose sleep over it if the fucker did. He had tried to burn down Cabeswater. He had shot at Gansey's head. Wait...

"Where's Gansey?" Ronan asked. Adam's head snapped up, eyes wide.

"I haven't seen him since the shooting started," Adam replied. He turned slowly a full three hundred and sixty degrees, his eyes searching every inch of the forest.

"Gansey!" Ronan yelled.

"Gansey, you still here?" Adam joined in.

There was no response. Even the trees were silent.

Gansey was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latin translations:  
> "Cabeswater. Quid accidit?" = "Cabeswater. What is happening?"  
> "Occidimur" = "We are being murdered"  
> "Periculum!" the leaves warned. "Veniunt. Venantur." = "Danger!" the leaves warned. "They come. They hunt."  
> "Cabeswater, ubi celant?" Ronan asked. "Eos indica." = "Cabeswater, where are they hiding?" Ronan asked. "Reveal them."


	8. Tied up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three new chapters today!  
> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

Gansey felt woozy. He had not appreciated the very hard whack his poor cranium had suffered while he was hiding from the shooter. At first he had thought a branch may have fallen on his head, but the arm that wrapped around his neck, putting him in a choke hold, had convinced him the shooter had an accomplice. Without much oxygen getting to his brain, Gansey had passed out.

Consciousness was returning to him in fitful bouts. So was searing pain. His throat burned. He felt a lump swelling on the back of his head.

"Hnnph."

Oh great, and he was gagged.

Nausea built up in the pit of his stomach. The world felt like it was rocking. He had really gotten whacked hard. He worried he may have a concussion.

Gansey slowly opened his eyes and saw the clouds above him moving behind swaying branches. At least he wasn't blindfolded.

He turned his head slightly, the nausea worsening. He was lying on the damp ground of the forest in a small clearing, still surrounded by trees. He could feel grass tickle the back of his neck. Everything was so still. Everything was so silent. Except for the muffled grunt he heard from behind him.

Gansey tilted his head as far back as it would go. He saw a man there, albeit upside down. The man wore a grey suit. It looked expensive. Looked like silk. The suit jacket was flung over a low-hanging branch and the sleeves of his white dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows. The muscles in his forearms flexed as carried a small boulder. He was an older man, maybe late fifties, with grey hair and wrinkles on his face. He was also stocky and broad-shouldered. His brow shined with sweat from the effort of carrying his load.

He looked familiar.

Gansey tried to place his face. Tried to think of a name.

Was he one of his parent's acquaintances?

No, that wouldn't make sense, why would he be kidnapped by one of his parent's acquaintances?

The man was in Cabeswater. So he must know something about the supernatural or Ley Lines or Glendower.

Or Ronan...

And then it hit Gansey like a train. He had barely glimpsed this man's face in a grocery store with Blue and Henry and Mr. Gray. But there had been two of them that time. Of course, the shooter...

This was the man who had kidnapped Henry all those years ago.

This was the accomplice of the identical man who had broken into the Barns and was shot down by Mr. Gray.

This was a very bad man. Gansey remembered Henry's voice haunted with fear when he had revealed their name over a year ago.

 _Laumonier,_ Gansey told himself. _His name is Laumonier. He is Piper Greenmantle's father. He put Henry in a hole. He was trying to burn down Cabeswater._

The information pounded into Gansey like fists. Gansey tried to stand, but found coarse rope binding his legs and wrists. His arms were pinned to his torso by the rope as well. Gansey glared at the man as he struggled against his bonds.

Gansey's movement in the stillness of the forest was enough to get the man's attention.

"Don't bother," Laumonier said almost bored. He placed the boulder down next to another one in the small glade. Now that Gansey looked more closely, it appeared there were many small boulders or large stones, forming a perfect circle.

"Nmmg," Gansey growled around his gag. Gansey hated this man. The raw instinct inside him screamed at him to hurt this man. But the rational side of Gansey's mind was also asking questions.

_Why did he kidnap me? Why is he making a ring of rocks? Are Ronan and Adam okay? What is Laumonier's end game?_

Gansey watched Laumonier in silence for a couple more minutes. In that time, he had found two more stones and added them to complete his ring. Laumonier looked down at Gansey, something peculiar in his expression.

"Was it you who woke the Ley Line?" he asked in his thick French accent.

Gansey looked back at him perplexed. Technically, the Ley Line was not something to be woken. More like something to be unimpeded, or a flow of energy that could be corked or redirected. This man clearly didn't understand anything. Laumonier pulled out a gun and pointed it at Gansey's face.

"This place," Laumonier continued, "is not normal. Did you make it wake?"

Gansey, staring down the barrel of a glock, shook his head.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" Laumonier asked, waving his gun in the air to indicate the clearing. Gansey shook his head again. "Ley Line magic is energy magic. Energy follows natural laws. Like the law of conservation. Something must be given for something to be received."

Gansey did not like where this conversation was going. He heard a faint buzz in the distance but refused to take his eyes off the gun.

"This place..." Laumonier grimaced and spat disdainfully onto the ground. "It took my daughter. It corrupted her. It hides demons. It made me..." Laumonier couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. There was something in his eyes that looked like pain and guilt. So instead, Laumonier reached down with the hand not holding the gun and grabbed Gansey by the shirt. He dragged Gansey's bound form along the ground and into the centre of the circle of stones he had made. Gansey struggled against his bonds, against Laumonier's grip, but it did him no good.

Laumonier hauled him up to a standing position. Gansey had trouble keeping his own balance with the way his feet were tied together, and swayed unsteadily. The only thing preventing Gansey from falling onto his ass was Laumonier's iron grip fisting his shirt.

"I want my daughter back," Laumonier growled, pressing the barrel of the gun into Gansey's cheek. Gansey flinched. "If it will take a sacrifice, so be it."

Gansey's eyes widened in panic. He was going to die. Again.

In that same instant, he felt something crawl on the back of his hand. Small little legs tickled his skin. It was too heavy to be a flea and he heard the creature buzz meaningfully. Like a dark omen, a bee danced on his knuckles.

In a sick way, it made sense; it was how Cabeswater's brand of magic worked. Whenever Gansey had felt fear on the Ley Line in the past, it would send him bees and wasps and hornets to torment him. Why would this time be an exception?

Except this particular bee glinted silver in the sunlight before it leapt off Gansey's hand and kamikaze'd itself into Laumonier's eye.

Reflexively, Laumonier let go of Gansey's shirt to clap a hand to his injury. Without Laumonier holding him up, with Gansey's hands and legs tied, with the force Laumonier had used to push Gansey away, there was only one possible outcome: Gansey lost all balance and toppled over, slamming painfully into his right shoulder.

Gansey squirmed on the ground as best he could to put some distance between himself and his kidnapper. In his panic, he barely noticed the black, limited-edition runners whisk pass his head.

There was an _"Oof"_ and a _"smack"_ and a light _"thud"_ in very quick succession. Gansey hastily twisted himself back around to see what was happening.

He couldn't believe it.

Laumonier was hunched over his feet, one eye squinted shut and starting to swell, and a deep bleeding cut on his bottom lip. There was no longer a gun in his hand. And a mere few yards away from him stood a very out of breath Henry Cheng, his hands balled into fists, his face contorted in rage.


	9. I will protect you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

"You!" Laumonier spat as he wiped the blood from his mouth. "I know you." A twisted smile curved his split lip. "Seondeok's boy."

Henry gritted his teeth and stared down Laumonier.

Oh, they definitely knew each other. Henry would never forget one of the set of three men that had given him nightmares for the past decade.

"Was that Niall's bee?" Laumonier asked curiously, suddenly looking around for it.

He wouldn't find it. Henry would die before he would let the scumbag get his hands on it.

"Have you brought me a present, little prince?" Laumonier taunted.

Henry had two emotions raging battle within him. The first was fear: something insidious that had been programmed into him by this man long ago. The other was hatred: for the invisible scars he had left, for the threat he had posed, for kidnapping someone who meant the world to him.

Hatred was easily winning out that day.

Henry allowed his gaze to waiver to where he had knocked the gun out of Laumonier's hands. It sat waiting to his right, between his enemy and his companion.

Next, he quickly stole a glimpse of Gansey. Gansey seemed intact if not a little tied up. For a brief moment their eyes met. One glance was enough to say without words what needed to be said between them.

_I'm okay. Don't worry about me._

_I will protect you._

_Don't risk yourself._

_I will protect you._

_Whatever you are planning, do not get hurt on my account._

_I will protect you._

It was not so much an argument than a promise of self-sacrifice between the two lovers.

They were too alike.

"I will kill you, boy," Laumonier sneered at Henry, drawing back the young man's attention, "if you don't stay out of this."

"That's my friend you have tied up over there," Henry shot back. "I'm not leaving without him."

"Then you are welcome to take his place," Laumonier offered. "I just need one life, not two."

"Mmmgph," Gansey said with a glare.

"A life? What for?" Henry asked. He figured he might as well stall. Henry was a capable young man in many respects. But he knew in hand to hand combat, Laumonier had the advantage both in physicality and in experience. The only reason he had managed to get that gun away from Laumonier in the first place was that he had had the element surprise on his side. Not any longer. If Henry wanted to have a chance, he needed to get to that gun first. Henry really did not like guns.

"Sacrifice," Laumonier answered before he looked at the gun, then at Gansey. "We're on the Ley Line. Sacrifice means much here."

"Does it?" Henry asked. A million thoughts went through his head. A million words and memories. Every muscle in his body was tense and ready to lunge for that gun.

"There are rules," Laumonier went on. "A life for a life is considered a fair trade."

"Then why don't you sacrifice yourself?" Henry suggested reasonably, pivoting his foot ever so slightly. Laumonier scoffed.

"Why would I do that when I have you little lambs to offer instead?"

Henry snorted. Typical.

"Well it looks like we are at an impasse," Henry said with a dramatic sigh.

"Yes," Laumonier agreed, his open eye darting quickly to the gun again. "It appears so."

And without further ado, they both leapt for the gun.


	10. Ace of cups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

The thing about the Ley Line was that time didn't follow a linear path on it. The way Gansey had been experiencing time was how Cabeswater always experienced it because it existed on the Ley Line. Round and round, back and forth, the blueprint a nebulous algorithm dancing to the tune of quantum mechanics. There was very little room for sense or for patterns. It was mostly possibility and potential and quick clips of the what-could-have-beens before they fell into the dark void for eternity.

The thing about Henry Cheng was that he was the Ace of Cups. The Ace of Cups was a force of will and possibility that nothing could control or predict. Not fate. Not time. It was outside all rules. It only obeyed its own.

When potential and danger and energy and emotion built up on the Ley Line, impossible things happened. Fish changed colour according to one's whim. Trees obeyed Latin commands. Stinging insects were summoned into existence to torment a boy having a panic attack.

All this to say that magic wasn't only scrying and chanting Latin and bringing objects out of dreams. Magic was intent. And the greatest force in the universe was the intent of the Ace of Cups, on the Ley Line, when it was acting out of love, selflessly and at risk to itself.

If fate had been in control, Henry and Laumonier would have gotten to the gun at the same time. Laumonier's size and strength would have easily overpowered Henry, and the gun would have been his. He would have smiled triumphantly before pointing the gun at Henry's face and pulling the trigger. Henry would have died instantly, bone, brains, and blood raining down onto Gansey's helpless form.

Gansey could almost see the inevitability of the events that were about to unfold like any other premonition he had experienced. That his own mind could play such an image to himself was the cruelest form of torture. His heart couldn't handle it. He couldn't lose Henry. He couldn't bear to watch Henry die in an explosion of gore. He couldn't live with himself knowing it was all his fault.

What Gansey did not realize was that in that moment fate was not in control. So despite what _should_ have happened, this is what _actually_ happened:

Laumonier stepped into a sliver of time on the Ley Line that was two seconds out of synch with the rest of reality. The probability of such a phenomenon occurring was so infinitesimally small that such a number could not even be imagined by the limits of the human mind. For all intents and purposes, it was impossible. Which is why it had to happen. Only the impossible could occur when the Ace of Cups took action.

For a whole two seconds, Laumonier ceased to exist in reality. It was enough time for Henry to dive for the gun and reach it first and unimpeded. It was a enough time for Henry to pick up the gun and turn around to catch the afterimage of Laumonier blink back into reality. It was enough time for Henry to pull the trigger before Laumonier could even take his second step forward.

The sound of the firing gun exploded jarringly into the silence of the forest.

Laumonier blinked in shock, his mind unable to comprehend what it had just experienced. While he did so, a dark red stain began to spread upon his crisp, white shirt just above his heart. Laumonier's legs buckled beneath him, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, his eyes wide in shock. He then collapsed onto his face and stopped moving altogether.

Henry was on the ground, on his back, the gun still held taut in his hands and pointed at Laumonier's corpse. His breathing was fast and irregular, his designer jeans stained with dirt and torn above one knee. He heart thudded recklessly in his chest and tears were prickling his eyes.

His arms tremored. The erratic shaking of his own body brought Henry's attention back to the fact he was holding a gun. That's when he noticed the corpse in front of him with blood starting to pool beneath its chest. That's when his brain caught up to his body and he realized what he'd done.

_I've just killed a man._

Henry threw the gun away from himself in disgust, as if the cool metal had burned him. He stared open mouthed at Laumonier's body. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He was going into shock.

"Hnhwn" came a sound from behind him. Henry turned and saw Gansey lying only a few feet away. Although he was gagged, his eyes burned into Henry with compassion and concern. Gansey strained against his bonds, but they held fast.

Henry, almost on autopilot, shifted himself around and crawled to Gansey. As usual, Henry functioned best in times of turmoil when he had a task to accomplish. His fingers were numb as they fumbled with the knots of rope around Gansey's wrists. The rope fell away and Henry moved onto the bonds around his arms and torso, and then onto his feet. When Gansey was finally free of the ropes, Henry slowly reached up and pulled the gag from Gansey's mouth.

"Oh, Henry," Gansey whispered, his heart breaking, before he threw his arms around his saviour. Henry trembled against Gansey's chest. He was physically unable to do much else. For a long time they sat in a circle of stones, in silence, alive, safe, but forever changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next post is probably the final chapters. May change rating to E if I decide to include smut. I have not yet decided if I will include smut...


	11. White rabbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again huge thanks to MagiaSomniaque for beta-ing Latin  
> Rest is unbeta'd though
> 
> This is the last update. It is long and comprises multiple chapters. I hope you enjoy the conclusion.

When Ronan and Adam heard the gunshot, they feared the worse had happened.

Adam in particular kicked himself for not thinking their shooter had an accomplice. The sound of the gunfire couldn't have been too far away. However that wasn't their only problem.

The smell of smoke was starting to assault their nostrils. There was indeed a fire in Cabeswater, and it was spreading. When they looked east, they could see a cloudy haze encircling the tree stumps.

"We have to find Gansey," Adam said. Ronan, staring off into the direction of the gunshot, looked lost and worried.

"Ronan," Adam said sternly. Ronan's head swiveled to face him. "Ask Cabeswater to show us the way."

Ronan nodded and spoke gently to the forest.

"Demonstra nobis viam ad Gansey."

The forest, in pain but still loyal to its Greywaren, answered.

A small white rabbit leapt from the undergrowth into their path. It stopped and stared at them with dark, inquisitive eyes, its nose twitching and sniffing the air. It tilted its head at them, waiting.

"Are we supposed to follow it?" Adam asked. He looked anxiously at the shooter, still bound and unconscious and breathing poorly on the forest floor. Adam wasn't sure if it would be wise to just leave him unsupervised. But if there was a second shooter, they couldn't spare the time to drag this one out of the forest and then return to look for Gansey.

Ronan seemed completely unconcerned about their captive and was staring down the bunny.

"I can't believe Cabeswater sent us a cliché," Ronan snorted.

The rabbit did not wait any longer. It bounded away from them, fast and sure, and did not stop or turn to see if they were following.

Without any other leads to give them much choice, Adam and Ronan rushed after it. Fortunately its white fur clashed dramatically against the browns and greens of their surroundings. They were able to keep it in sight despite its speed.

They dodged low hanging branches and avoided tripping over twisting roots. They ran and ran, deeper into the forest, but auspiciously away from the clouds of the smoke drifting from the fire.

It took them mere minutes before they saw a break in the trees and three bodies on the ground.

"Shit," Adam hissed as the rabbit skidded to a halt in front of Gansey who was sitting on the ground in the centre of a circle of stones with another person in his arms. There was blood nearby, pooling from a body that looked eerily similar to the shooter they had left behind. The rabbit sniffed the blood before turning tail and darting away into the woods.

It didn't take Adam and his eidetic memory long to realize that he had already encountered a third man sharing the face of the body on the ground and their attacker: Mr. Gray had shot and killed such a man in the Barns over a year ago.

Gansey looked up at his friends gratefully as they stumbled into the small glade.

"Is that fucking Cheng?" Ronan gasped as they drew close enough to see the telltale dark spike's of Henry's hair coming from the head tucked under Gansey's chin.

"What happened here?" Adam asked more calmly. "Are you two okay?"

Gansey nodded.

Adam crouched down next to the body soaking in its own blood and reached a hand out to check for a pulse on its wrist.

"He's dead," Adam said lowly, drawing away. He looked meaningfully at Gansey. Their eyes met. Gansey, reading Adam's probing expression, shook his head.

It was no hard feat to deduce what may have transpired. Henry was still and silent in Gansey's arms, his face strangely blank. There were ropes on the ground around them. There was a gun lying a few feet away from Gansey and Henry.

"We need to get out of here," Ronan said, his lip curling disdainfully at the body. "The fire is spreading."

Gansey silently dragged himself and Henry to their feet. Henry passed a glance over Adam and Ronan and forced a small smile.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said in a voice missing its usual cheeriness.

"Come on," Ronan said, turning on the spot. He led them away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latin translations:  
> "Demonstra nobis viam ad Gansey." = "Show us the way to Gansey."


	12. It's called the human condition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own

The fire department took fifteen more minutes to show up. It had given the Raven Boys enough time to drag the only living Laumonier out of the forest and discuss what story they would give the police.

Before long, helicopters were flying overhead dumping fire-fighting retardant over the trees. The fire chief told them how lucky they all were and how surprised he was the fire had remained so contained for so long. Cabeswater was not just a forest, it was a conscious entity on the Ley Line, so it was unsurprising to them it would not be a simple matter to burn it to the ground.

Henry watched with empty eyes as Gansey, in full Richard Campbell Gansey the Third mode, fed the authorities their invented story.

The boys did not mention there was a second arsonist. Ronan had asked Cabeswater to get rid of the dead Laumonier's body (exactly what that would entail, no one wanted to say, but they all could imagine it would not be pretty). As far as the official statement was concerned, there was only one Laumonier and he acted alone. He was caught by the boys red-handed, who were on an innocent picnic, splashing gasoline onto the trees. Upon discovery, he had started shooting at them. He had tried to use Gansey as a hostage but Ronan had been able to sneak up on him and knock him out. They had tied him up and rescued him from the fire he himself had started. The Gansey family would be sending in their army of lawyers before any of the boys would be answering any further questions.

By the time the statements were taken, Laumonier had regained consciousness. He was in too dazed a state to truly perceive his surroundings or notice that Henry Cheng was even there. Henry observed coldly as Laumonier was tucked into an ambulance while handcuffed to his gurney. He hoped charges of arson, abduction, and attempted murder would keep him in jail for a long time. A man like Laumonier doubtless had stashes of resources and connections that would help shorten his sentence, but Gansey was confident he had enough connections himself to keep him behind bars.

"Let's get out of here," Adam said. He watched uncomfortably as journalists and news agencies were starting to show up with cameras. Then he eyed Henry who was absently frowning at his compact rental car. "How about we rendez-vous at the Barns later tonight?"

Gansey smiled at Adam and nodded. They all needed a bit of time to decompress.

They separated and piled into their cars. Gansey joined Henry in his rental feeling best not to leave him alone. As Henry started the engine, Gansey pulled out his phone.

"Oh dear..." He saw he had 6 missed calls and about a dozen text messages from Blue.

"She knew too," Henry said, reading the phone's screen over Gansey's shoulder. She had indeed tried to send them warnings about Laumonier heading back to Henrietta.

"How did _you_ know?" Gansey asked, looking up at Henry. There was no denying it: had Henry not shown up, Gansey would be dead right now. Henry had killed a man to save him. It was a terrible injustice; Henry was too much of a gentle soul to have blood stain hands. But he had done it for Gansey.

"My mom," Henry said simply with a shrug. "When she heard Laumonier was on the move and where he was heading, I had to come. I just had a feeling. I had to be here."

"After what he did to you, though?" Gansey asked awed. "He still wanted RoboBee. Why would you put yourself in danger like that?"

Henry quickly glanced at Gansey like he was an idiot. "Why do you think?" he replied rhetorically. Gansey felt his throat constrict.

"Henry, I don't want you putting yourself in danger for me. I would never ask-"

"Shut up, Gansey," Henry growled viciously, cutting him off midsentence. The force of Henry's voice took Gansey off guard. "Just don't. You don't get to say that. You don't understand what it was like, losing you the last time." Henry swallowed back the crack in his voice. He inhaled sharply to calm himself down. "Bottomline: If I had to do it all over again, I would. In a heartbeat. And that's all there is to it."

Gansey stared hard at Henry, a little shaken. Henry stared hard at the road in front of him, lips pursed together angrily, refusing to meet Gansey's eyes. Henry put the car in gear and they drove off in silence.

Gansey used the time to reflect on everything that had transpired. He couldn't even imagine the torrent of emotions going through Henry having to confront one of his kidnappers, having killed him. Gansey looked at Henry's face, tense and focused on the road. Whatever was going on beneath that mask could not be pretty and Gansey was desperate to think of what to do or say to comfort him.

At the same time, Gansey was battling his own self-hatred. He was weak. He was a liability. He kept putting his friends in danger recklessly. He still hated himself for what he had done to Adam and Ronan earlier, whatever that had been. But he hated himself more for what Henry had just experienced because he couldn't protect himself. What was the point of his strange gifts and privilege if he only brought misfortune to the ones he loved?

"Stop it," Henry ordered. Gansey jumped at the sudden sound of his voice, his thumb lowering from the lip he was unconsciously kneading. "I know you too well, Dick. I know what that look on your face means." Henry spared Gansey a meaningful stare before he turned his eyes back onto the road.

"And what about you?" Gansey shot back. "What does that look on your face mean?"

Henry held his silence as a reply. Gansey passed a hand over his face and through his hair.

"How can I make this right?" Gansey asked more himself than Henry.

"There is nothing to make right," Henry replied curtly.

"You're hurting."

"So are you."

"I want to help."

"It's called the human condition, it can't be helped."

"Henry."

"Richard."

It was a stalemate. They were too damn alike. Henry sighed.

"I'm just happy I found you in time," he said. "I don't care about anything else, okay? I'm just happy you're alive."

Gansey nodded. There was not much else he could say to that. Instead, he turned back to his phone to type Blue a quick text.

>We are safe. Laumonier tried to burn down Cabeswater. One is in police custody. The other is deceased.

He purposely left out the part of his kidnapping and almost sacrificial death. He didn't want to worry Blue just yet.

It took less than a minute for him to receive a reply.

>About to get on a plane to fly back in Virginia. Will hopefully be home by 8pm tonight with mom and Dean. What do you mean deceased?

>Long story. Henry's here. He saved me.

>????

>Will explain tonight. Need me to pick you up from the airport?

>Yes please.

>Okay, send me your flight number.

"Blue will be back tonight," Gansey told Henry as he pocketed his phone. Henry was still being unnervingly quiet. "Will you come with me to get her from the airport?"

Henry nodded.

"I figure we grab her and then head to the Barns."

Henry nodded again.

"So in the meantime..." Gansey trailed off, leaving it open for Henry to offer his input.

"I have a hotel room. It has a shower. That's as far as I have gotten."

Gansey smiled. "Sounds good to me."


	13. Not because I owe you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chengsey smut ahead.  
> Unbeta'd.

Bathed and feeling almost human again, Henry walked out of the hotel bathroom in a tight pair of skinny jeans and a vintage Power Rangers t-shirt. His hair fell over eyes, weighed down with water and unable to defy gravity without its customary styling products. He flicked it out of his face and noticed quite quickly that he was alone. He did a double take around the room and then shrugged before flopping onto the bed. Wherever Gansey had disappeared to, he wouldn't have gone far.

RoboBee squeezed itself out from under Henry's pillow. It shook itself before hopping into the air and landing on the tip of Henry's nose.

"What do you want, little bugger?" Henry asked.

RoboBee buzzed at him in reply, tickling his nose with its tiny vibrations.

"You don't say."

RoboBee leapt from his nose into the air. Henry tracked it with his eyes as it circled the room before landing on the windowsill. It buzzed impatiently at Henry.

"Okay, okay," he sighed, pulling himself up from the bed. He cracked the window open and RoboBee rushed out. Henry tracked it with his eyes as it went peeling down the quiet street.

Henry knew where it went. He knew what it wanted.

Because it wanted what he wanted. It wanted Gansey.

Henry shook his hair out of his eyes again and went back to the bed. He lay on his back, staring at the white ceiling. He could still feel the heavy metal of the gun in the palm of his hand.

_No. Not that._

Henry stared at nothing and thought about the way Blue's patchwork skirts had whipped around her knees in the fierce breeze atop the Vermont mountains, surrounded by the dazzling palette of autumn.

Henry thought of Gansey in his plaid pajamas with his glasses falling off the tip of his nose, completely engrossed in a book about Alexander the Great.

Henry thought of the comforting growl of the Green Pig's non-existent engine, lulling him to sleep in the humid back seat of the car, watching endless farms and fields pass by the window.

His body began to relax, sinking into the soft bed. His mind began to drift. He sought all the memories that warmed him. He had a rough phone call with his mother awaiting him. He was putting it off.

_Later._

Henry didn't even realize how jetlagged he was until he had drifted off completely. He slept fitfully. Images of blood on leaves flashed behind his eyelids. He still didn't understand what had happened, how he had gotten to the gun first, why he was still alive.

His eyes shot open at the sensation of  little legs crawling on his left earlobe. He heard the short warning buzz before the creak of the hotel door opening. He tilted his head and saw Gansey look up at him as he shuffled inside the hotel room. He had no sense of how long Gansey had been out.

"Didn't mean to wake you," Gansey said apologetically.

"No worries, G-dog," Henry answered through a yawn.

Gansey's eyes were a bit hooded. He had a languid smile on his face, one Henry hadn't seen since Blue, Gansey, and himself had been lazing on the beaches of Southern California, enjoying the hot sun and simply not moving for a while. There was a small white plastic bag in his right hand.

Gansey slowly closed the door behind him and leaned against it, watching Henry curiously with those heavy eyes.

"Henry," he said slowly, drawing out the name like he was testing it on his tongue for the first time. Henry felt his stomach drop to his groin. Something was off.

Gansey made his way to Henry's bed, kicking off his boat shoes and climbing onto the mattress on all fours. He made his way up Henry's  body, pinning Henry's legs between his thighs and his shoulders between his forearms.

Gansey looked at Henry thoughtfully.

"What's gotten into you?" Henry whispered, his gaze darting between Gansey's perfect lips and bright hazel eyes. Damn, he was so gone for the boy it was pathetic.

"I want to thank you," Gansey said, leaning even closer to Henry. Their noses gently brushed from the proximity. Henry felt his pulse quicken.

"For what?"

It was taking all of Henry's willpower not to close the gap that one inch and take Gansey's lips.

"For saving my life. Again."

Henry's eyes widened.

"In what universe would I need to be _thanked_ for that?" he asked bewildered. "I didn't do it for your gratitude."

"I know, Henry. But you keep doing it. And I never got to express how much you mean to me."

It was here Gansey closed the gap, placing a quick chaste kiss on Henry's lips.

"You don't owe me anything," Henry whispered. Gansey shook his head at him pityingly, as if he was misunderstanding completely.

"Henry," he purred, his breath tickling Henry's skin, still so achingly close. "I want you inside me."

And it was here that Henry's reality fragmented like breaking glass. Henry sat up straight, pushing Gansey back to create distance. He was not expecting this. He was not mentally prepared for any of this.

"Stop," Henry said, his pulse racing. "Gansey, you don't have to... I don't need..."

Henry did not know how to finish the sentence. His brain was malfunctioning. Gansey's words were a torment.

_I want you inside me._

"Jesus," Henry gasped, letting his head fall back against the bed's headboard. It was too much for one day. His sanity couldn't take it.

Because Gansey and Henry had never done that. Not quite. They had gotten each other off plenty of times with mouth and hands. But they had never done that.

Plus, Henry knew he was Gansey's first male sexual partner. Gansey wasn't experienced enough to know what he was asking. Just because he had enjoyed some fingering in the past doesn't mean...

Henry shook his head. The mental images were over-stimulating him. Because if Henry was being honest with himself, he wanted what Gansey was offering. He wanted it bad. He had wanted it forever. But he wasn't sure Gansey understood or was ready. He wasn't sure if Gansey was offering merely out of a feeling of obligation.

He had to stop this. He had to take the world's coldest shower and stop this.

"Gansey," he said firmly, and he hoped Gansey picked up the seriousness of the situation based on the fact he didn't use one of his many pet names. "I don't think we're quite there yet. I don't think you quite know what you're asking for. And I don't think you are asking for the right reasons. If this is about trying to comfort me or paying back a debt, I don't want any part of it."

There. He said it. He took the high road. He hated himself for it, but he knew he would hate himself more if he ever felt like he had taken advantage of Gansey.

Gansey stared at Henry for a moment in silence and then smiled.

It was not the reaction Henry was expecting.

"I know what I'm asking," Gansey said, reaching a hand back out and gently trailing fingers up Henry's arm. Goosebumps erupted on Henry's skin in their wake. "I don't want you because I owe you. I want you because _I love you_ , Henry."

Henry almost sobbed.

This wasn't fair. He shouldn't say that. He really shouldn't. Because Gansey and Blue were soul mates. Henry knew that. He had accepted that. And in that acceptance they had not said those words to each other before so blatantly. They would call each other lovers, but they would not say those words.

Henry didn't want to be mislead or teased. He didn't want false hope. He just wanted to be with Gansey and Blue as long as he could before the dream ended. He didn't want to fall too deep.

How could he not, though, when Gansey was saying such words?

"Please," Henry whimpered, his heart breaking. "Please don't play with me, Gansey."

Gansey's hand froze. His eyes went wide. He looked utterly shocked at Henry's reaction.

"Play with you?" Gansey repeated, hurt in his voice. "If I ever did anything to make you think this was a game, I am so so sorry." Gansey's arm dropped away from Henry. "I'm not playing," he said seriously, his gaze piercing into Henry's. "I was never playing. I love you, Henry. I am not ashamed to say it because it is the truth. I love Blue, with all my heart, but I love you too, with all my heart. Why can't you accept that after everything we've been through?"

Gansey almost looked desperate. He looked like a man bearing his soul. Henry was breaking and breaking and breaking.

"Because I'm not your soul mate..." Henry's voice was barely a croak. He had to force the words out. It was never easy putting words to insecurities.

"Says who?" Gansey snapped.

"Says everyone! Says the psychics. Says the prophecy. Says the fact you died when you kissed Blue and she saw you on the corpse road and that you two were always meant to be."

"And who says that's mutually exclusive to having more than one soul mate?"

At this Henry did not have a rebuttal.

False hope was a sweet sweet temptation. But Maura's words rang cruelly in his head.

_Where does that put you?_

"You idiot," Gansey sighed, shaking his head. "If you haven't noticed, we aren't particularly good at following conventions."

That was true.

"I remember what you said," Gansey continued slowly, his eyes drifting off into the past. "When we decided to be more than friends. I remember every word. I'm not using you to experiment with my sexuality. And I'm not planning on letting you go without a fight, even if we are going to universities on opposite ends of the country. Henry," and Gansey's eyes darted down to Henry's lips hungrily, "you mean everything to me. And to Blue. I know she's not here and would hate the idea of anyone speaking on her behalf, but I think I'd get a bye on this one. That's how much you mean to us."

Gansey's finger gently brushed Henry's cheek.

"So when I say _I love you_ , it's because I love you. And when I say I want you inside me, it's because _I want you_. And if you are going to turn me down, it should be because you don't reciprocate those feelings. Not because you think I'm not in this one hundred percent. Not after everything we've been through. Clear?"

Henry nodded hesitantly.

"So, let's try this again," Gansey said, moving himself back up Henry's body, pressing their chests together. His lips brushed Henry's just for an instant before hovering a hair above them. "Will you take me?"

 _Don't hold yourself back._ Maura's words echoed in his head. _It will do you no good. Face your fears, Henry, with open arms and an open heart._

Henry yielded.

"God, yes," and with that he surged up to kiss Gansey with everything he had. He didn't know how else to translate the emotions running wild in his body. Love, want, happiness, anxiety, desperation, confirmation, all of it thrummed through every atom of Henry's being and he tried to translate that into a kiss. It was an impossible task, but he didn't have any other recourse.

They kissed and kissed, telling each other their hearts with their mouths and tongues until Gansey regretfully pulled away to catch his breath.

"I think you know, but I've never done this before," Gansey said shyly, bringing the plastic bag that had been forgotten on the bed close to him. "I got these."

Henry peaked into the bag and saw a tube of sterile lube and a box of condoms. It was a sensible purchase.

"Have...have you done this before?" Gansey asked, a blush creeping along the bridge of his nose.

Henry swallowed. "Once. As a bottom, though."

"Good," Gansey said, visibly relaxing. "Then you'll make sure I'm prepared properly."

Henry was moved by the trust Gansey placed in him. He also felt the pressure.

 _Holy shit, this is really happening_ , he thought to himself.

Gansey reached down and pulled his polo shirt over his head.

"Arms up," Gansey ordered. Henry complied and Gansey pulled off Henry's t-shirt.

Gansey took a moment to let his hands wander up Henry's chest. Gansey was definitely the better built between the two (courtesy of crew team), but Gansey always actively admired Henry's body. Henry was not self conscious of his body by any means, but he would never get used to Gansey looking at him _like that._

It was probably because Henry had admired Gansey from afar for so long, wanting and fantasizing and desperate to be on his radar. It had been so hard to get close when surly Ronan Lynch was always by his side, followed by strange, stony Adam Parrish becoming his right hand man. There had never been any room for Henry Cheng.

Somehow, through luck or chance or fate, he had gotten a glimpse of the real Gansey. They had shared a vulnerable piece of themselves with the other and found that the pieces matched.

Henry savoured Gansey's hungry eyes. Then he savoured Gansey's hungry lips.

"Pants off," Gansey said, reaching down to the fly of his khakis. Henry smiled and started unbuttoning his skinny jeans.

Gansey was naked in two seconds flat. Henry was still struggling as his jeans were suctioned onto his legs for dear life.

"The shit I suffer for fashion," Henry joked as he kicked uselessly at the material trapped around his ankles. Gansey laughed and helped him pull them off. His briefs were much easier to deal with.

"Better," Gansey sighed, climbing back up his body. Gansey let his weight lie on top of Henry. They were flushed from head to toe, as much skin as possible touching. Gansey was so warm, a pleasant weight on his chest. A lock of his brown hair had fallen over his forehead and Henry couldn't help himself but take the strand between thumb and forefinger and gently place it back on his head.

"Are you sure?" Henry whispered again, melting under Gansey's loving gaze. That was part of Gansey's magic: just one approving look from him and you felt like you were worth more than the world.

Gansey nodded leaning in to brush their lips together. His hands were already wandering again, fingers caressing Henry's arm, his chest, a gentle brush along his thigh. It took Henry restraint to not reach in between them and grab their cocks together as he was want to do. But he was letting Gansey drive tonight.

"Help me get ready," Gansey purred into Henry's lips. He shifted on Henry's body and retrieved the lube from the bag. Henry was already getting hard and he knew Gansey could feel it beneath him.

"Give me your hand," Gansey said, unscrewing the cap of the bottle. Henry offered his hand and Gansey squeezed the clear, scentless gel into his palm.

"How should I lie?" Gansey asked, his expression eager but unsure.

 _God help me,_ Henry thought. With a firm hand, Henry lead Gansey off him, turning them over so that Henry was on top and Gansey was bare beneath him.

"Place the pillow under your hips," Henry told him. Gansey nodded and reached behind him, shifting his hips slightly to slide the pillow beneath him. He had his knees bent on either side of Henry, and he stared up at him patiently.

Henry glided the gel over his fingers trying to still his nerves. He hadn't lied. He had done this only once before and he may have been drunk and the positions had been reversed and it may have been a summer fling that he had easily forgotten. This time, though...

 _It's Gansey_.

Their eyes met. Gansey was waiting and calm, full of trust and there maybe was a hint of curiosity behind those hazel eyes.

Henry leaned down and took Gansey in a kiss. He felt Gansey's hands reach up, wrapping around his neck and back. Gansey always kissed like it was an experiment. He moved like he wanted to see what kind of different reactions he could get if he put his tongue there, if he bit down more there. It made Henry dizzy with adrenaline.

He pulled back and looked at Gansey's red lips.

"I'm going to start opening you, okay?" Henry asked. Gansey smiled and nodded, shifting his hips a bit higher so Henry had better access.

"Keep kissing me," Gansey requested, reaching up and bringing Henry's face back to his. Henry obliged, letting Gansey savour his lips while his slicked fingers moved down Gansey's body.

He slipped his hand between Gansey's thighs and followed the smooth skin down and down until he reached the perineum.

Gansey mumbled, "Mmmmmm," beneath Henry's lips, encouraging him.

He traced a finger gently around Gansey's hole before slowly pushing it in. He felt Gansey tense for a moment beneath him, tightening his arms around Henry's back before falling back into their kiss.

Henry probed his insides gently, going slow. He wanted this to be good for Gansey. He could feel Gansey's dick getting harder by the second, pushing against his stomach. Henry pressed himself down, sliding their abdomens together, giving both their cocks a little of the friction they craved as he gently coaxed Gansey's internal muscles to relax.

He felt Gansey smile into their kiss before he said, "You are going to be the death of me."

"Don't even joke about that," Henry responded with a teasing smile of his own. He then slowly pushed a second finger inside. Gansey gasped.

"Okay?" Henry asked worriedly. Gansey swallowed and nodded.

"Keep going," he ordered, and for emphasis he bucked his hips.

Henry focused his attention on his hand, trying to spread Gansey's muscle walls with a delicate scissoring motion. Neither of them currently had the mental faculties to multitask and make out at the same time, so Gansey leaned back onto the mattress and closed his eyes, letting himself be suffused by the sensations of Henry's clever fingers.

Henry slid a bit lower on Gansey's body to have better dexterity. He watched transfixed at the subtle changes and twitches in Gansey's face has he glided in and out with his fingers, pushing and stretching. He curved his index and brushed over the ball of tender nerves hidden inside. This caused Gansey to groan and press his palms into his eyes. Even though it was Gansey getting all the physical stimulation, Henry was the one who was completely enraptured.

"More?" Henry asked, his voice raspy with lust.

Gansey nodded again, his hands still covering his eyes.

Henry pulled back out and slid in three fingers together one slow millimeter at a time. Gansey clenched around him, sucking in a breath like a hiss.

"Too much?" Henry asked, stopping from going any deeper.

"No," Gansey's voice whined. "Just...adjusting."

"Tell me if it's painful. I'll stop."

"Don't you dare," Gansey laughed. He removed his hands from his face to peek at Henry with blown eyes. "Don't you dare stop," he repeated, throaty and needed.

Henry did not stop. He pressed in deeper, feeling the muscles resist before relaxing. He moved slowly in and out, spreading his fingers a bit more with each passage. With his other hand, he reached between Gansey's leg and gave one languid tug along his shaft.

Gansey reflexively bucked beneath him. Henry pressed his weight down on Gansey to keep him still.

"Jesus, Henry. It feels..." Gansey was at a loss for words. For answer, Henry twisted his wrist and gave another caress to his prostate. It was enough to make Gansey swear.

Henry smirked. As far as he knew, Gansey only ever swore in the bedroom.

"I... I think I'm ready," Gansey panted, looking up at Henry.

"You sure?" Henry asked, spreading his fingers wide.

"Nngh, yes." Gansey moaned. Henry felt little resistance as he withdrew his hand. He leaned forward over Gansey to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"You will tell me if it hurts?"

Gansey nodded.

"Promise?"

"I promise. But you won't hurt me."

Henry's stomach clenched. The way Gansey said the last part was in that other voice; it was spoken with so much certainty that it was fact, not wishful thinking.

Henry reached back into the small plastic bag and tore open the box of condoms. Gansey watched transfixed as Henry ripped one open and pulled it onto himself. He took the lube Gansey had discarded next to himself and generously covered his length before retreating back down Gansey's body.

Gansey tilted his hips a bit higher, inviting, wanting, needing.

 _This can't be real_ , Henry thought as he slowly pressed forward, one hand on Gansey's quivering thigh and the other on his length to guide him.

He entered Gansey slow and true, steady and cautious. It was tightness and warmth and pressure and pleasure. Henry's nerves were singing. Heat suffused him, pooling in his stomach, crawling up his spine, short-circuiting his brain.

"Henry, " Gansey gasped. Henry froze, eyes wide and worried. "No," Gansey clarified, and then swallowed. "I'm fine. Please, keep going. Please."

Henry licked his lips and pushed himself in. Gansey's mouth was open, sweat gleaming over his temples. He looked absolutely wrecked.

"Move," Gansey begged. Henry pulled back slowly, resisting all instinct to fuck Gansey hard and senseless. He wanted this to be good for both of them. He wanted Gansey to continue begging like that.

Henry pressed in again, a little more sure this time. He started to find a rhythm, watching Gansey closely.

Gansey's eyes fluttered shut again, trying to savour whatever he was feeling. Henry hoped it was good as he watched the flush creep up Gansey's neck, as he watched Gansey's hand reach down between them for his neglected cock.

"I can-" Henry started to offer, but Gansey shook his head, his hand passing slow, long strokes upon himself.

"Just kiss me," Gansey said. He reached up with his free hand, curling it around Henry's neck and drawing him down. Henry fell onto his forearms as Gansey leaned up to meet him.

Their lips and teeth clashed and he was pulled deeper into Gansey, their angles changing as Henry's body was practically fully pressed on top of him. Gansey moaned into the kiss, the shift in position causing Henry's dick to hit all the right places.

Gansey's kiss intensified. He nipped Henry's lips almost painfully before turning his head and nuzzling his face into Henry's neck. Henry's rhythm was being changed by the way Gansey's hips were pushing back against him eagerly.

"It feels good," Gansey mumbled into Henry's skin. "So good. Don't stop."

Gansey's arm was working faster now on himself, his appetite whetted and his hesitance gone. Henry felt Gansey's teeth brush against his shoulder playfully before biting down.

"Fuck," Henry gasped, the pain and pleasure cross firing against each other in a complicated dance of sensations. He felt like his heart was going to stop any second now.

The hand around Henry's neck went up into his hair, gripping firmly but not rough, holding him in place as Gansey panted erratically into Henry's skin. Henry thrusted and thrusted, white sparks flashing behind his eyes.

"So close," Gansey moaned. Henry couldn't resist anymore. He held his weight up with one arm and brought his right hand down between them to join Gansey's hand hard at work. Finding his confidence, he started driving into Gansey with a bit more force as he pulled Gansey's hand away to take over.

With a firm hold, he stroked Gansey's cock, already slick with pre-cum. Gansey's now liberated hand wrapped around Henry's back and he felt fingers dig deep into the flesh of the opposite shoulder Gansey's face was nuzzling. Gansey held him tighter and tighter and it took only a few more strokes from Henry's daft fingers to send him completely over the edge.

Gansey shuddered into his orgasm while Henry rode him. He spent himself between their bodies, fingers twined in Henry's hair and digging into Henry's skin hard enough to leave bruises.

"God," Henry murmured as he felt more than saw the aftershocks ripple through Gansey's muscles. Gansey nuzzled deeper into Henry's neck as his body started to relax.

"Henry..." Gansey whispered, planting sloppy kisses on every inch of skin his mouth could find. " _My beautiful Henry_."

That voice. That impossible voice. It was possessive and worshipful and completely in control. It made Henry crazy. It made Henry helpless. It made Henry orgasm so hard into Gansey that he had to bite down a scream.

Gansey held him firm as he lost control, pulling him down onto his chest as Henry's climax tore him apart.

They lay together like that for almost a minute, Henry catching his breath, trying to defragment his thoughts as Gansey stroked his hair, their bodies completely entangled.

 _I can't believe what just happened_.

It was Henry's first coherent thought as he pulled out of Gansey and tore off the condom. He rolled off Gansey, collapsing onto his back in a complete daze.

_I can't believe he let me do that. I can't believe he would ever want me._

"Henry," Gansey spoke softly.

_I can't believe he loves me._

"Look at me, Henry," Gansey ordered gently. Henry's head turned slowly towards him.

Gansey had shifted onto his side, staring at Henry with warm, loving eyes, his head pillowed on one arm. With the other, he reached over to Henry and swept his untamed hair out of his face. His hand lingered on Henry's temple, then drifted down his cheek. He brushed his thumb under Henry's eye before withdrawing his hand. It was both a tender and possessive gesture.

Henry swallowed back the plethora of emotions trying to burst forth from each and every one of his pores.

"Was it okay?" Henry asked. What he meant was: _Was I able to give you even a taste of all the happiness you deserve?_ Henry had yet to perfect translating his thoughts into words.

"It was perfect. You are perfect. Thank you," Gansey replied. He meant exactly what he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating myself a while about whether or not I wanted to include this chapter. Since I had it mostly written I felt I might as well finish it and just put it in. I hope it added something to the story in terms of Henry and Gansey's relationship and Henry's emotional state (i.e. his constant secret insecurities).


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. Errors are my own.

Gansey lay indolently on the soft hotel mattress while Henry took his second shower of the afternoon. He felt satiated if not a bit raw. He felt filled. He felt grateful.

He let the endorphins bleed away the guilt constantly gnawing at his thoughts. He let the way Henry had looked at him remind him that he mattered to some people. Despite his many shameful slip ups from that very morning, he let himself believe that the life he was gifted had a positive impact after all.

Gansey heard the buzzing before he saw its source. He was a bit proud of himself now that fear no longer coiled in his guts at the sound. Maybe it was because he had spent so much time locked up in a car with a twitchy robotic bee whose inability to stay still was matched only by its owner.

_Or maybe I'm becoming reckless,_ he thought as his sight zoomed in on the wasp - a real, in-the-flesh and deadly wasp - zigzagging along the windowsill of the hotel room, trying to find its way out.

Gansey resisted the tell-tale signs of an oncoming panic attack by forcing himself to breathe steadily. He watched the wasp bounce off the glass of the window once, twice, before it gave up and turned around. It made its way almost in slow motion towards him, bobbing up and down in the air before plopping onto the mattress a mere foot away from his head.

A year ago, Gansey would have let fear and self-preservation set his body into motion by very cautiously distancing himself from the threat. But this version of Gansey did not feel like moving after having been boned into mindless bliss by the prince currently occupying the shower. So instead, this version of Gansey stared down the wasp and said, "Don't move."

The wasp stopped moving. And not only in terms of approaching Gansey, but in every sense. It's wings no longer flickered, its legs no longer twitched, its antenna no longer probed the air. It was a creature frozen in time. Gansey continued to stare at it, unmoving himself. Until he said, "Turn in a circle counter-clockwise."

Time began again for the insect momentarily as it spun in a complete counter-clockwise circle once before resuming its stasis.

Gansey raised a single eyebrow curiously.

"Fly away," Gansey ordered.

The insect eagerly pushed off the bed and flew up and up and as far away from Gansey as it could get until Gansey no longer had it in his field of vision.

"Interesting..." he said to himself before he closed his eyes contentedly and let himself drift off into a dreamless sleep.

He was king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all folks. Thanks for reading.


End file.
